Movie Preview: The Losers

If there is one thing you know that Hollywood loves, it's ripping off an idea. That's where the A-Team movie came from. It's why Armeggedon and Deep Impact went head to head. There is no end of the copycat and ripped-off ideas Hollywood is willing to flood theaters with, all at the same time.

But don't think that this is all bad. Armeggedon was a good popcorn film. Occasionally the rip-offs are worth the time. And the head to head competition sometimes turns up a bright gem of a film. The Losers just might be one of those gems.



To be clear from the start, The Losers is a rip-off of the A-Team television show as much as the movie of that name is. But unlike the other film, this looks to be an interesting movie.

There is nothing deep or artsy about the film. A secret para-military group get set up and tossed aside by corrupt politicians. They escape and want revenge, big time. Lot's of stuff blows up inbetween. You won't need an Master's degree to keep up.

But, the film understands that they will never see their name on an Oscar ballot. It's not the point. This is just good natured fun, lot's of bullets, lot's of explosions, and just a bit of women with T&A.

The most serious question dealing with this film is likely to be if it is as much fun for 90 minutes as it is in 150 seconds? If you are having a bad day, this is a safe bet to distract you for a while and not piss you off for spending the money.

Stars Zoe Saldana, Jeffrey Dean Morgan, Chris Evans

Movie Preview: A-Team

I had many reservations on how this film, based on the 80's television show, would turn out.

"Will the A-Team movie be worth watching? If Ridley Scott were directing I’d say yes in a heartbeat. With Carnahan I think not. His tendency to pick popular and low quality actors does not inspire confidence. Plus this is a remake (likely a revisioning) which bodes badly. And it involves a subject that Hollywood can’t get right these days, soldiers. With a writer that is 50/50 at best."

Well the first indications are now getting out.



Ok no that isn't it, but I thought it was funny. And at least as good as the actual movie trailer. Ok, for the serious look at the movie trailer



So my fear of the weakest link being the BA Baraccus character seems to be correct. Also the obvious link to the Iraq war is firmly in place. Beyond that many of the old standbys of the television series have been kept. Well at least a couple of the catch-phrases of the leading characters.

What is new are some of the gadgets that are used. C-130 planes, tanks, high-end weapons and such really make it seem unrealistic that this group of men could operate in a post-9/11 Homeland Security America. And who are they using these weapons against?

Believability is also seemingly out the window. Surviving a rocket attack in a C-130 by being in a tank that cleanly escapes the mid-air wreckage and deploys it's parachute, then popping out and shooting down a plane with an M-60 is beyond the pale. Thus we can conclude the film is solidly focused on explosions, with the characters the means by which we can get from one to another.

Given that the A-Team television show was not Shakesperian writing, it did have a bit more credibility and slightly tighter plotting. Plus the acting abilities of the stars were far more solid and recognized. Even Mr. T (then) was far more accomplished than Quinton Jackson - an obvious ploy to draw sports fans that have moderate expectations beyond watching things go boom or crunch.

But, if your expectations are very low and you have never seen the original A-Team and you prefer a movie with more explosions than spoken words, this will be a fine film. If you are merely looking to waste roughly 90 minutes of your life and at least $9 of your hard earned cash, this is your film.

For the rest of us, that might want just a bit more from a movie - like entertainment - I would suggest this film on DVD (bargain bin) or wait for cable. You won't be missing much.

2010 movies to avoid like a plague

Given that the movies that seem to have the most hype also have been on the list of movies that I think will be good in 2010, there is also a fair chance they won't match the hype and be among the list of the worst movies of 2010. But that's a gamble and I've made my bet. As for the rest of the films in 2010...

Here is my list of films that I am ABSOLUTELY sure will be horrendous wastes of time and money. I could be proven wrong, but I doubt it.

Tooth Fairy - Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson needs a new agent. He is not a great actor, never was. He was decent in action films where he didn't need to say a lot and could use his muscles often. Kind of Arnold Schwartzennager. But unlike the now Governator, Johnson has yet to build up enough action films to allow him to make these awful kids movies he seems hell-bent on starring in. Just wait for the bargain bin DVD sale.

I Love You Phillip Morris - Jim Carrey is the opposite of The Rock. We love his comedic skills. The man is funny. But put him in a serious role and you are looking at a bomb of a movie. Make that film about a prison escapee, with a gay love story at its heart, and you are looking at a film that even DVD sales won't help. But France might like it.

Cop Out - I like Bruce Willis films. He is great as a cop and authority figure. He brings a great everyman quality to the films he is in. But none of that makes him capable of making a bad film good. Oh, and Tracy Morgan just isn't that funny.

Alice in Wonderland - Yes I will stand alone on this one. I know that Johnny Depp is in the film. I know Tim Burton directed it. But people forget that both men LOVE extreme cinema that is anything but mainstream. And the story of Alice in Wonderland is really nigh incomprehensible to the mainstream as is. It will be a good art film, but no where near a commercial success.

Clash of the Titans - Fans of the original movie will be disappointed. Fans of Transformers will likely be in love with this film. Everyone else will have moments of appreciation of the CGI, and depression at the plot in this revisioned movie.

The Back-up Plan - Jennifer Lopez is the star. Do you really need another reason to avoid this film? Ok, it's about artificial insemination as the key plot device.

Wall Street 2 - A thinly veiled political message packaged in a sequel that really is well past it's prime.

Robin Hood - Russell Crowe is no Erroll Flynn. It's another film trying to improve on a universally accepted perfection in movies. The only positive is that it should be better than Kevin Kosner's try at it.

Sex and the City 2 - Did anyone really want a sequel to this rehash of a truly mediocre television show brought to the big screen?

Marmaduke - Live action versions of comic strip characters never work. Didn't Garfield end this concept?

The A-Team - I really would like to be wrong about this. I liked the 80's television show. But revisioning of television shows to fit on the big screen just don't work. At least Ben Stiller is not in this fiasco waiting to happen.

Jonah Hex - Ever hear of the comic book? I didn't think so. This is a comic book to movie conversion of a 3rd rate comic book that no one cared about 38 years ago. Even comic book fans will avoid this. And if you think the plot might help, you haven't read what the plot is.

SAW VII - When a horror movie (slasher, whatever) goes to 3-D for a sequel you just know it's all over.

Red Dawn - Another revisioned remake of an 80's film. Sure to be filled with political messages straight from the far-left field of view. The only thought that might be of interestr is how Hollywood might resolve America-bashing with a movie that is supposed to be pro-America. I really hope I am wrong on this one, but the November launch date does not give me reassurance (it's a slot only slightly better than January).

Yogi Bear - I'll say it again, live action films don't work.

The Green Hornet - Reaching way back in television time, this is a revisioned retread of the 60's show. I just can't buy Seth Rogen as the Green Hornet. Likely the writing will target campy and hit on awful. I shudder at what it will be like.

Next up are the films that are too ugly to classify as good or bad.

A-Team: another 80's television show to become a movie

So here is some good news, and bad news. The good news is that Ridley Scott, the director responsible for Alien, Blade Runner, American Gangster and other great films is set to have a film out in 2010. The bad news is that it is yet another television to movie conversion. Worse is the fact he will not be the director.

Yes the A-Team will now join the ever growing list of films that were originally television shows. But unlike most of these remakes (or worse yet, revisionings) this film has a writer that can actually fill the job description, to some degree.

The writer is Skip Woods, who wrote the screenplay for Swordfish and the far less involving but mediocre Hitman. Given the limited work that has been done by Woods (the GI Joe film to come out later this year is anyone’s guess on quality) the odds of the A-Team film being good is a coin toss. The chance of it being decent to good are fair, which in the land of remakes is the top of the list usually.

And as I mentioned above Ridley Scott is the big sell on this proposed movie. With 9 awards having been won by his films, you can feel a bit more confident that this film will not follow the trend. With any luck we can hope to have an expansion on the storyline, not a jumping point from it.

But I am still concerned. The A-Team is about a group of ex-soldiers wrongly convicted of a crime. Hollywood, of late at least, is hardly pro-military. Or seemingly able to make a film that touches on any aspect of soldiers without making a blatant political statement over the entertainment it’s supposed to be presenting.

Ridley Scott though has made films that convey action, intensity, and a message. His portrayal of the military – in regard to squad levels at least – have been. He is a filmmaker who still recalls that a message can be in a movie without being the movie. Which seems to be a lost art these days. But again, he is a producer and not the director.

Still I expect that the A-Team will be Iraq war veterans. They likely will be blamed for some horror that Hollywood seems abundantly willing to accept on rumor and imagination alone. Hopefully the studio execs will not mandate that they are guilty of some kind of crime, thus helping those in need out of some form of redemption.

One thing that I do hope is that we see the A-Team improve their aim. In the 80’s show, the Team couldn’t hit a target smaller than a barn. It was just ridiculous that with the amount of bullets from adversaries and the Team the only thing that was successfully hit each week was the ground, and usually the same film of an exploding shrub – regardless of where they were.

Another neat improvement might be a bit of explanation on how the Team is able to make gear that McGyver would be jealous of. Or at least have them make something that realistically is possible considering the circumstances. Seriously, I recall in one episode the A-Team was stuck in a barn, and they made a makeshift tank. I think not.

Thinking of other aspects of this movie (which has run through several versions and directors) I might be interested in is the question of cast and the director. Joe Carnahan will be the man responsible for what finally hits the screens. And this is where things begin to look really bad for the film. He is the guy responsible for the films Narc and Smokin’ Aces. I think you can find both films in the $3 bargain bin at K-Mart. Obviously I am not impressed.

But actors can make a big difference in any film. Who will take over the lead as Hannibal Smith? It has to be an older actor, like George Peppard who brought loads of experience and dignity to the show. Maybe George Clooney, or perhaps Chuck Norris? It’s a really tough call for that.

The role of Faceman – as done by Dirk Benedict is a bit easier. All you need is a decent looking White actor, no disrespect to Benedict who is more accomplished that the role required. There we can go with most any of the up and coming pretty boys. Maybe Shia Labeouf, or Leonardo DiCaprio.

Dwight Schultz did a great job as the questionably mentally impaired, possibly PTSD suffering, Howling Mad Murdock. He was amiable, off his rocker, and energetic. So a similar type of character would be likely for the film. Though likely to have more of the negatives of PTSD. Thus the young Christian Slater would have been perfect. But today I would expect maybe Alicia Keys, since the movie will need a woman in it somewhere to match current Hollywood sensibilities. And she brings in a young crowd, which the director seems to target.

As for B.A. Baracus, famously portrayed by then ex-bouncer Mr. T, some rapper that thinks they are an actor. It will be a waste. I’d rather see Michael Duncan Clarke in the role. But the director loves trendy young actors. And the film is being remade, thus meaning they are looking for a young audience that will not realize this is a remake. So the only people that fit the rebellious, Black, edgy role are rappers – or so Hollywood keeps insisting. I’d expect DMX, if he is out of jail, to get this part. And if I am right it will be the singular worse part of the entire film.

Will the A-Team movie be worth watching? If Ridley Scott were directing I’d say yes in a heartbeat. With Carnahan I think not. His tendency to pick popular and low quality actors does not inspire confidence. Plus this is a remake (likely a revisioning) which bodes badly. And it involves a subject that Hollywood can’t get right these days, soldiers. With a writer that is 50/50 at best.

I’d slate this for the DVD bin, but it’s still very early so who knows.