The worst films since 2000

Having watched Stargate Universe, and learning of the upcoming V revisioned television series, I natually started to think about the worst that Hollywood and the entertainment industry has provided viewers. The list I could imagine is hardly small. And I wasn't the only one to come up with such a list.

It seems that the people at Rotten tomatoes had a similar thought. But I think the end of the decade had more to do with it than the latest slew of forgettable television fare. Still there is nothing like a list, especially of the worst as it confirms what you already knew.

I won't go thru the list of the worst films of the decade. There are 100 and the list contains several of the films you would expect. I will give you the top ten worst films, and several I think should have rated higher on the list of the worst excuses to steal your money.

10. Witless Protection
9. Redline
8. 3 Strikes
7. Strange Wilderness
6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
5. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers
4. King's Ransom
3. Pinocchio
2. One Missed Call
1. Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever

If you saw any of these films I really feel for you. I sadly saw King's Ransom and Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever. The pain still haunts me in nightmares from time to time.

But the following I think were misrated on the list.

The New Guy - rated 94 was light on logic. laughs, or anything else, but it was cute in a 10 year old way. I wouldn't have put it on the list, but I wouldn't want to pay money to see it either.

Larry the cable guy: Health Inspector - rated 85. Any film with this character should be in the top 20 worst films ever, unless of course you happen to not have teeth, love moonshine, and got all your education when you finished 3rd grade.

Doogal - rated 83 should be much higher. In fact if there was a list of films for kids that should be illegal to show kids, this would be in the top ten. Truly, if you don't like to abuse children then don't show them this film.

Gigli - rated 73. It only made it to 73? The rest of the list has to be really bad.

The Fog - rated 66 is the first remake on the list. Considering how bad the first film was, why did they remake it anyway? Another in a long list of films proving why revisioned films suck.

BloodRayne - ranked 48. A decent game, a miserable movie. Bad writing, horrible acting, terrible action scenes. There is nothing in the film worth watching, except the leading ladies if you are pre-pubescent.

Zoom - rated 41 is really not that bad. I'm not saying it was a good movie, it wasn't. But for bored kids that don't have another choice on television or DVD this will work. it definitely isn't worse than the films I've already commented on.

Codename: The Cleaner - rated 37 it is the Black equivalent of Larry the cable guy. Cedric may be many things, but he is NOT entertaining as a lead actor in any movie. Someone stop giving him movie lead roles.

The Whole Ten yards - rated 36. It actually deserves this rating. Nothing from the original film carries over to this film, made just to get your money. Bruce Willis slipped big on this one.

Rollerball - rated 28. Remake and revisioned. That is almost all I need to say. Perhaps it might have worked if the director and/or writers ever saw the original movie.

But I know what you are thinking. There are movies missing from the list. Notably:

Soul Plane - perhaps the worst film ever. At least the worst I have seen. It as so bad I had to fast forward through sections to stay awake.

Little Man - the Wayans family are generally talented. Shawn and Marlon are so bad in this film as to make you wonder if they were adopted.

Ghost Rider - the special effects were too good to put it on the worst list, but the acting and script really tried.

No doubt there are other bad films. I'm sure that the list of 100 had others I would have hated. Thankfully I did not see more on the list. And I can't remember more horrible films at the moment (likely blocked from memory).

So do you agree? What do you think was the worst film since 2000?

Black Americans - commodity, criminals, or something much more

“Have you lost your mind? I mean, how is it that you can disrespect a man’s ethnicity when you know we've influenced nearly every facet of white America... from our music to our style of dress. Not to mention your basic imitation of our sense of cool; walk, talk, dress, mannerisms. We enrich your very existence, all the while contributing to the gross national product through our achievements in corporate America. It's these conceits that comfort me when I am faced with the ignorant, cowardly, bitter and bigoted, who *have* no talent, no guts. People like you who desecrate things they don't understand when the truth is - you should say thank you, and go on about your way. But apparently you are incapable of doing that!"
Cedric the Entertainer as Sin LaSalle in Be Cool

I just was bored earlier and ran across this scene while flipping channels. And I just had to think about that.

Now the movie Be Cool was bad. No question. But this line is perhaps the best and most important of the whole movie. It’s honest and true. It hits home, and likely was overlooked by the millions that have seen the film since its release. When most watch a comedy, bits of social commentary are obscured or disregarded.

This one quote is so visceral to me. It is such a direct statement and applies to so many things. This could be said to politicians (Democrat and Republican), Hollywood executives, major news media editors, and music industry executives, corporations of all kinds of sizes, and probably Spain and Argentina.

This quote is a statement. Being Black is not a commodity that can be bought, though more than a few retailers are making BILLIONS trying to convince people they can. Respect of our past and present is not a burden for America, and should be embraced in the same manner that I was taught European history. Police need to remember this the next time they get the urge to “get their gun on” because an African American crosses the street.

But I wonder something. I know how people of color might take this statement. Latino/Hispanics can say many of the same things. So can Asians. But how do White Americans look at this? What did this quote make you think?

This isn’t about a right or wrong answer. Obviously a blatant racist comment will be responded to in kind. But any answer made with respect and intelligence is more than welcome. Because I really would like to know if you have ever considered this when you watch the news, see a kid walking down the street, celebrate Columbus Day, or just generally go through your life?

Which do you prefer: Razzie or Oscar Awards?

On lighter news, the Oscar nominations are out. Yet again there is a list of movies that no one has seen, nor interested in going to see. Yet again better movies and actors are being ignored completely. Yet again Hollywood disconnects from the average American.

Not that any of this is a new thing. And some of the actions are not surprising. I mean Denzel Washington will not receive another Oscar probably for some time, if ever again. Why? Because he has already won an Oscar, and once you win you often get place in the back of the list for a while. Exceptions exist for that rule, notably Tom Hanks, but it is a general rule that once you win you won’t win again for a long time, no matter how good you are or the films you are in.

So don’t expect to see Jaime Foxx, Eddie Murphy, Jennifer Hudson, Denzel, Halle Berry, or a host of others any time soon. The fact that everyone I just mentioned is Black is secondary to my prior point. The abovementioned are prominent in that the Oscar Academy is almost a half-century behind the American movie-goers in recognizing the ability of African American, Hispanic/Latino, and other minority entertainers. That goes for directors, movies, genres, actors/actresses, and virtually ever individual behind the camera lens that helps to create the films we love.

[Special interest should have been noted for Don Cheadle and his movie Darfur Now. He is one of the few Americans, and even fewer celebrities/entertainers that are out there trying to improve the lives of millions that deserve and need it.]

So rather than discuss the constant myopia that the Oscar Academy views films via, I will instead speak about the Razzies. They are the recognition of the absolute worst films that are churned out each year. In general these awards are more in line with what the average person feels, and is unbiased in terms of race.

The nominees this year include the following:

Worst Picture
Bratz – ** anorexic dolls with attitudes on film- Joy!
Daddy Day Camp
I Know Who Killed Me
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Norbit

Worst Actor
Nicolas Cage, in Ghost Rider, National Treasure and Next
Jim Carrey, The Number 23
Cuba Gooding, Jr., Daddy Day Camp and Norbit
Eddie Murphy, Norbit
Adam Sandler, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry – ** Did he really think this would work, or did they pay him a lot of money?

Worst Actress
Jessica Alba, Awake, Fantastic Four, and Good Luck Chuck - ** sort of cute, but no ability and the movies she’s in prove it
Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos AND Skyler Shaye, Bratz (real close with Alba)
Elisha Cuthbert, Captivity
Diane Keaton, Because I Said So
Lindsay Lohan, I Know Who Killed Me

Worst Supporting Actor
Orlando Bloom, Pirates of the Caribbean
Kevin James, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Eddie Murphy, Norbit
Rob Schneider, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Jon Voight, Bratz, National Treasure September Dawn and Transformers - ** Because of Bratz, but Transformers was a waste as well

Worst Supporting Actress
Jessica Biel, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Carmen Electra, Epic Movie
Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia), Norbit
Julia Ormond, I Know Who Killed Me
Nicolette Sheridan, Code Name: The Cleaner - ** An obvious winner! Please no more films starring Cedric

Worst Screen Couple
Jessica Alba & either Hayden Christensen in Awake; Dane Cook in Good Luck Chuck; or Ioan Gruffudd in Fantastic Four - ** winner for Fantasic Four, no chemistry or even talent there
Any Combination of Two Totally Air-Headed Characters in Bratz
Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) & either Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong) or Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia) in Norbit
Adam Sandler & either Kevin James or Jessica Biel in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Worst Remake or Ripoff
Are We Done Yet? (remake of Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House)
Bratz (A rip-off if there ever was one)
Epic Movie (Rip-off of every movie it rips off)
I Know Who Killed Me (Rip-off of Hostel, Saw and The Patty Duke Show)
Who's Your Caddy (Rip-off of Caddy Shack) - ** while the host of films that are horrible or blatant rip-offs and remakes of far better films, this had to be the most poorly done concept yet

Worst Prequel or Sequel
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Daddy Day Camp
Evan Almighty
Hannibal Rising - ** they were drunk when they gave this a greenlight right? Drunker still when they didn’t go straight to DVD I bet
Hostel: Part II

Worst Director
Dennis Dugan, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Roland Joffe, Captivity
Brian Robbins, Norbit
Fred Savage, Daddy Day Camp - **Funny is not in your vision
Chris Siverston, I Know Who Killed Me

Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie
Aliens vs Predator: Requiem - **Hey why follow any of the established rules or concepts behind the actual success and interest in the original movies. Screw it up in ever more boring ways and be original
Captivity
Hannibal Rising
Hostel: Part II
I Know Who Killed Me

Now that is a group of horrendous films. I could add a few easily to that list, and in fact I did with my review of 2007 movies. How Codename: The Cleaner, Underdog, and The Invasion missed all these lists amazes me.

But Bratz, a film dedicated to anorexia, poor attitudes and the dolls that promote it, easily belongs here. Did anyone even see the film? My winners were noted in the lists above.

I want to bring up another list I mentioned last year.

“I equally reveled in the failure of equally America hating films Rendition, Lions For Lambs, and Redacted. The abject failure of these films to garner any interest is a testament to the good taste of everyone except the people who greenlighted them. I can only hope that the actors in these films were doing them for the paychecks and not their political views. I would also say that if the producers and writers of these films feel that strongly (especially Mark Cuban) give up your citizenship and move to Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan or any other nation that will take you. I will not mourn your loss or the money you have.”

Every movie in that quote should get a special Razzie for America hating, Bin Laden loving, MoveOn.org loving, loserfest!

Well those are my thoughts. I hope this year will be better, but if Hollywood is anything it’s consistent.

Bad films and Screen Actors Guild Awards hopefuls - 1.9.2007.1

Well it’s January and the worst of the films of the year are starting to be released. I’m sure many may have noticed that the early weeks of the year seem to have a bunch of films that blink away with a speed that is rarely seen. This of course is a good thing, as many of these films don’t deserve to be released in a theater and I doubt many will be worth a DVD either. One such film, I’m guessing, is Code Name: The Cleaner.

Cedric the Entertainer (his real name is Mr. Cedric Kyles) can be a funny man. I’ve seen some of his stand-up on film and it wasn’t bad. Star quality it was not, nor has anything in his body indicated that he has leading man capabilities. That’s not to say he doesn’t have talent. I just think his talent isn’t being conveyed in the films he has done.

Beyond his support work in The Steve Harvey Show, which had it’s moments though they were few to me, his movie Johnson Family Vacation is probably his best film work. I’m not counting the 5 animated roles where he supplied his voice (including the upcoming Madagascar 2). I am including his leading role in the Honeymooners remake [horrendous] and the sequel supporting role in Be Cool [just bad]. The Cleaner looks to be on par with these lesser films and will no doubt clean the few pockets that view it. Of course there is a following for Mr. Kyles, as well as those that will watch anything that has an African American lead because they are showing support – even if that support goes to cheap and tasteless theatrical films like Soul Plane. I admit I haven’t seen it, nor will I, but if others do and disagree please let me know. If you convince me of the worth perhaps I will watch it, via a bootleg DVD.

Speaking of movies, here are some of my choices to win the Screen Actors Guild Awards. I hope these will lead to nominations and wins at the Oscar’s as well. For best actor I chose Mr. Forest Whitaker for The Last King of Scotland. I think it will be Ms. Helen Mirren in The Queen. For best support I pick Mr. Eddie Murphy in his stand out performance in Dreamgirls and from the same movie I pick Ms. Jennifer Hudson as best supporting actress. In the cast category of course I chose Dreamgirls.

In television I have fewer choices as I don’t watch many shows. I may well be off on these but here are my choices. For best actor in a drama I think Mr. Hugh Laurie wins for House. For a comedy I would chose Mr. Tony Shalhoub for Monk, though I do like the comedic acting of Mr. Jeremy Piven. Sadly I have not seen Entourage so I can’t say if his work is better than Mr. Shalhoub.

As for the other television shows, I have no comment. I watch little regular broadcast television programs. In general I think the effort executives have put into finding the lowest common denominator in programming is so bad as to not warrant viewing. And yes I do prefer a more high-brow television show so that doesn’t help either. Still a preference towards House, 24, and the West Wing does not prevent me from enjoying Farscape, Gilligan’s Island, or Cheers.

Well let’s see how good my choices are.

This is what I think, what do you think?