Movie Review: Dragonball Evolution

If for some reason you found yourself bored and wondered if you should go see a movie, don't make it Dragonball Evolution. If you are a fan of Dragonball and/or Dragonball Z, or even GT don't see this movie. In fact if you are above the age of 5, are of normal intelligence, can draw stick figures, or know what a circle is, don't see Dragonball Evolution. Anyone else not covered by these things should see the film or buy the DVD.

I hoped that the preview of this movie would be wrong. With 68 million fans worldwide you would think that the producers might have bothered to watch the entire series. Or at least more than commercials for the show on TV. But that is not the case.

In fact I find it hard to explain how bad this movie is. It's slow paced to start. It has a plot that has the creativity of a mouse. It follows the storyline the same way that a Ferrari is akin to a Yugo.

I was so insulted and bored by the movie that I almost feel bad trashing it. Still the producers of the film did this to themselves. They trashed a great cartoon series, loved internationally.

Yet the worst movie has some positives. The fight scenes in the film are interesting, at least compared to the rest of the film. The kid playing Goku almost looks like he has hair like the main character in the series. There are Asians in the film. ChiChi is in the movie and is Goku's love interest.

The net result is the answer to the question is this worth paying money to see in a theater? The answer is a simple, no. In fact I would almost demand that I get paid to watch this film again. So would I pay to have the DVD? Again I would say no, if it costs more than a dollar.

If you are in any way interested in Dragonball from the cartoon series, buy a DVD of that and watch it. It is infinitely more interesting, better written, has deeper character development, better fight scenes, and entertaining. If you do pay to see this movie, you can now only blame yourself.

Dragonball – The Hollywood revision curse

Of course there is the very distinct fact that the upcoming Dragonball movie will be nothing more than a blatant attempt of Hollywood to collect a bunch of money on the hopes of the worldwide fan base. The word to use here is revisioning. And long-time readers know what I think of this now common Hollywood tactic.

But perhaps one of the best ways to discuss the fears of fans of DBZ is said best by this Youtube video.



I think that says it all.

Dragonball: Evolution is coming

When 68 million people all say the same thing, you have to believe they might be right. And when we are talking about from across the world, well then you have to imagine that anything that crosses cultures like that has to be special.

Now all the Obama maniacs can calm down, a lot, because I am not speaking about him. I am referring to Dragonball and Dragonball Z. A series of cartoons – based on a manga with over 100 million copies sold - that have created fans across decades, generations, cultures, and the globe. If you have not seen the cartoon series, I can virtually guarantee you know someone who has, even in America.

The cartoon is too involved to explain quickly. Basically a baby (named Goku) from another planet that no longer exists was sent to Earth to be raised. And yes, he is a bit of a superman. Though in an extreme martial arts manner. He is trained by a master martial artist named Roshi, older than you might guess, hornier than a goat, and when he decides to kick ass more buff than the Guvernator. His best friend and rival is a short (possibly a midget) kid named Krillin. As they grow they enter an event similar to the Kumate. This eventually leads to 2 things. The fact that when Goku see the moon – and still has his tail (he is an alien) – he turns into a super strong wild King Kong, literally. And that he needs to defeat Piccolo to save the Earth.

Trust that I am not doing justice to the fun and humor of the cartoon series.

That all said, Hollywood knew it had to do this movie. An international fanbase in the tens of millions, a huge volume of history to work from, and the potential for multiple sequels to fill their coffers. How could they resist.

Of course with Hollywood involved that means that things are going to change. A lot. Like the fact that in Dragonball Goku is supposed to be 7, but for the movie he will be a young adult. And Roshi (played by Chow Yung Fat) will not be the dirty old man that was so funny in the cartoon and manga. And James Marsters, best known from the Buffy television series as the vampire Spike, will be the ultra-buff alien bad guy Piccolo. And who knows how they will deal with the special fighting moves, the Dragon Balls (7 of them that will summon a Dragon and grant any 1 wish), or a dozen other aspects of the show that made it so special.

One thing is for sure. If this is done right, there will be sequels aplenty. The entire DBZ series could take several films alone. And there are millions of fans of the Saiyan Prince Vegeta (me included). The only way they could really screw this up is if they were to either ignore the main storyline, kill major characters permanently – before any of them actually die, or just make up their own story (revision anyone).

There is no proper way to discuss quickly the fun and addictive nature of Dragonball and DBZ. It has to be seen to be understood. Suffice to say that the world blockbuster for the year will be this Dragonball movie, and it will crush movie records if its done right.



(And yes the trailers have a touch of the look of Speed Racer, but I can hope it will not be a factor.)

The movies of 2009

With 2008 quickly coming to an end it's time to look forward to 2009 and the films we can expect to see. So far several of the biggest movies look to be no better than the fare presented to us in 2008. Hollywood seems to have forgone entertainment for quick easy bucks. But we can hope that at least this time they might gwet some of these retreads right.

What we do know for sure is that there will be at least 4 movies that are sequels, 4 that are based on comic books, graphic novels and/or cartoons. There will also be at least 2 movies based on video games. Originality seems to be dead.

Starting with cartoons and comic books we have Dragonball. Based on the original manga, this japanese sensation has taken the world by storm. Dragonball (in which I include Dragonball Z) is the most watched cartoon in the world, with an estimated 64 million fans across the world. That also puts it far above shows like Seinfeld, Friends, American Idol, Survivor and so many other television shows. So expect this to be completely screwed up, sadly. Even worse since Chow Yung Fat is in it.





All the better trailers got pulled. Sorry.

Next on the list will be Watchmen. I've discussed this previously. You will want to see this. From everything I can tell this is a near literal translation of the graphic novel, which means an experience that truly will be entertaining by definition.



Then there is GI Joe. A decent cartoon and previously done as an animated film before they became all the rage. This will be live action like Dragonball. The potential is there for a good film, though the characters and storyline are being changed. Instead of all Americans it will be international and include a bad guy that was a former American GI Joe. Thank Hollywood for that bit of tarnish.

Best I could find is a discussion of the cast if that helps. I hate presenting fan fiction instead of a trailer.



Then there are the sequels. Lots of them.

Wolverine is of course on top of the list. As one of the most popular X-Men ever, and as personafied by Hugh Jackman expectations are high. It looks like this group of writers actually read the source comic books and got it right.



Another talked about trailer is Fast and Furious. With the prior 2 movies being bombs, and with the assurance that Paul Walker cannot handle a film lead on his own, Vin Deisel is back. So is Michelle Rodriguez. Of course the fact that both have had problems being bankable may have more to do with this version. Does that mean it will be good?



Another sequel with lots of cars and following up a prior theme is Transformers 2. The first film was short on plot, full of holes, and stupid. But it made money. What can we expect from the first sequel (of undobtedly many more). This is possibly a fan made trailer. Can't be quite sure.



But I can be sure of this next trailer. Terminator 4: Salvation. With Christian Bale who is a very good actor. No more Governator though. Still it looks decent if not a bit gritty. This John Connor looks far better than the one in the 3rd film too. Should be quite the film, and a secure box office smash.



And more of a prequel than sequel is the new Star Trek movie. From what I have seen so far I am unimpressed. Maybe younger fans that have never seen the original might like it. Fans of Star Trek: Enterprise might like it. Fans of Voyager could like it. But not anyone else I think. Unless there is a lot more to the film than what the trailer hints at.



And then there are the video game movies. Honestly the video games today are more like movies than the movies. And of better quality. But occasionally we get something good. Here are the 2009 choices.

Halo

As best as I can tell this is what the movie may look like and contain. There are a slew of fakes out there but this seems authentic. And if it is real it starts kind of slow. But it definitely give the impression that if this is how the movie starts, it will just get really crazy and fast from there.



Then there is the Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. Another good game with an interesting trailer for the theaters.



And then there is the classic game Legend of Zelda. While the movie is focused on the original game in the setting it seems to also have deviated quite a bit too. But there have been numerous versions of the game in the last 20 years so a bit of mixing is to be expected. This will likely be very family friendly with at least one love story in it for the ladies. Will it be worthy of the title?



Continued in part 2

What are dolls telling young girls - 8.19.2007.1

Ok, I saw something on the Cartoon Network and it upset me. I’m not talking about the Naruto marathon. I love anime, and Naruto is up there with Rurouni Kenshin, Cyborg 009, and Dragonball Z. Still there is a bit that isn’t as good as some of those others.

But let me not wax on about anime. Either you get it or not. The point is that there have been several commercials throughout the marathon. One particular commercial was far more disturbing to me than all the others. It’s not the endless Pokemon games, nor the super sugar bomb pop cereals. It’s a doll.

I want to specifically point out the Hi-Glam dolls. They are similar to the various, and idiotic, Bratz dolls. But these are worse. Basically they are a bunch of pipe cleaners with hair. I don’t know much about dolls, since my sisters out grew them decades ago. But I do notice the difference.

Barbie has had arguments about her proportions since the feminist movements in the 70’s. They finally changed her figure to more realistic proportions, on the basis that little girls would feel better about their own proportions. How the proportions on a doll can affect anyone I don’t know, but that is the argument. Then came the fact that there were no Black, Asian or Hispanic dolls.

After years, finally Barbie got some friends with color and other dolls were made featuring various cultures as well. That argument I can understand. I remember back when I was a child and my sister threw her doll she got for Christmas because it looked nothing like her and was of zero interest. So I can see that.

But these Hi-Glam dolls are different. Yes they have various races covered. No they don’t represent women as anything more important than objects to be looked at because of how they dress. Yes it’s good they are dressed more substantially than a music video hoochie. But they are all anorexic. Seriously, they are proportioned like twigs.

It has to be an obvious negative if I can see this. These dolls look like a female version of Jack Skeleton. The connection to reality on any level is abysmal. I wonder where are the calls from feminists to get these dolls changed. They just don’t look healthy.

While I think anyone who might be influenced by a doll has self-esteem issues, the fact is they do affect the young girls’ self-image. That coupled with the desire for Hollywood to promote women that are about as curvaceous as adolescent boys and it just can’t be good. Why is it so strange for doll makes to create a doll that looks like a real woman? Why must every doll be a size -2, and supermodels are a size 0. Where is the reality in that? What guy actually likes that?

We should promote dolls and women that look like our mothers, wives and girlfriends. I mean who is on the arm of Jay-Z, or Denzel Washington? Look at virtually all the successful marriages of entertainers, celebrities, politicians, heads of state, and business and you will not find a woman that is under a size 10. I don’t think it’s just me.

As everyone freaks out how heavy our kids are, is it any better to ignore things that emphasize an even less healthy life by being malnourished and barely more than a sack of bones? Can any man truly say they are interested in a woman without curves and barely enough skin to cover her bones? Can any woman say they really think that clothes look better when they drape on them like clothes on a hanger as opposed to a mannequin?

How long will it take before some doll manufacturer realizes the .0002 cents it costs to add a bit more plastic to make a realistic looking doll will be healthier and probably sell better. Or am I just not getting it since I’m a man and older at that?

This is what I think, what do you think?