The Maxim Top 10 of the Hot 100 list

Another year has passed, the stock market just closed and many are looking for a ray of sunshine. Well perchance this will brighten your day. The latest Maxim Hot 100 list has just been released.

Right up there with the annual Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, this list is well anticipated. But being the critical being I am, I pondered the top 10. Are they really worthy of being on the list? Should they really be ranked so high?

For those that heard the First Lady was on the list, yes it is true. No, she is not in the top 10. Nor should she be. She may be one of the best looking First Lady’s, definitely in my lifetime, but being on the list is about as good as she deserves (at number 93). Besides, were she not married to President Obama [the Great] she would never have made the list.

• Olivia Wilde – at least it’s not one of the Jessica’s (Beil, Alba, Simpson). Still the best thing that can be said is that being on a hit television show, really helps push you up front. Not a #1 in my book.
  
• Megan Fox – Those hamburgers she had to eat for Transformers 2 really paid off. Still being the old guy I am, I like women that are more real than stick figures. She doesn’t match up to Beyonce (#52), Fergie (#45), or Marisa Tomei (#97).
  
• Bar Refaeli – You may not know the name, but by know you know the figure. I can see her as a top 10 choice. Too much media for her not to be.
  
• Malin Akerman – Who is this? If you say that, then you missed Watchmen and seriously missed her. She deserves to be a top 5 to me.
  
• Mila Kunis – Jackie from That 70’s Show. She’s over 21 and fits in the top 10.
  
• Eliza Dushku – she doesn’t Bring It On for me. At best she’s in the top 50.
  
• Adriana Lima – Hello. Does she make the top 10 for me? Yep. Though she is a bit skinny, it’s that foreign quality that gets her on the top.
  
• Rihanna – Like the saying goes,

  “There is no bad news in entertainment and politics.”

  I feel for what she has been through, but not enough to put her in the top 10.
  
• Jordana Brewster – Seriously? Ok she did SI, and she was in Fast & Furious (first and latest). But the top 10? No, I don’t think so.
  
• Jennifer Love Hewitt – What is it with the people that pick these lists? She is eternally on the top of these lists, and I still cannot see it. Too skinny, too ugly. Better now than earlier in her career (plastic surgery?) but still nowhere near the top considering who is on this list.
  

So in my list I need to replace 6 women on this Maxim Hot 100 top 10 list. Who would I have picked?

Charlize Theron (#38) – She has a grace, a body, and a mind. She has talent too. How do you not pick this woman?

Gabrielle Union (#71) – She can match up to any of the other women on this list any day. J-Lo wishes she had that ass. Which is more curves than basically everyone on the top 10 of Maxim. Plus she looks better and is older too.

Tricia Helfer (#75) – How did they miss her from the top list? Does Hewitt really compare? They even ranked her at #75 if you can believe it.

Hayden Panettiere (#36) – On the thin side as well. But I’m working with the Maxim list here. There aren’t many women who know what a cheeseburger is. Or even a salad in some cases.

Zoe Saldana (#29) – I said before that being in a popular item helps push yopu to the top, but obviously Maxim did not push her far enough up the list. If you didn’t think Nichelle Nichols was sexy on TV, this movie Uhura has to do it.

And for my final choice, I pick someone not on the list of Maxim. Mind you this woman is sexy, and attractive as any woman on the list (in my opinion far more than most). You might have seen her in A Good Day To Be Black & Sexy – and if you did you didn’t forgert her. Nana Hill. (and I believe she was in the Star Trek movie too)

Fear Master Shake, and who is most desirable - 1.31.2007.1

Well there were a few things that caught my eye today. One item, was the sad reminder that large amounts of wealth and a strong dash of fame rarely mixes well with friends and family. In this case it’s the signal of perhaps the end of a long friendship for Mr. Bruce Willis. While the lawsuit was settled, the fact that it had been made may be the breaking point between Mr. Willis and his friend. I’m always sorry to hear of stories like this. There are never any winners in this kind of situation.

Speaking of a no-win situation, imagine that you are just coming home after a particularly stressful day. Your only thought is to get home and relax watching television in that massage chair you got over Christmas. You sit down, turn it on, and after a few minutes you pop up wondering what you left on the stove that was burning. Sadly you realize that it’s actually your chair on fire. Not a good day at all. Luckily for most of my readers it’s not an issue, the massage chairs made by Matsushita Electric Industrial Co. Ltd, are sold in Japan and Asia (and are being recalled). So perhaps your day here is not as bad as you might have first thought.

In terms of relaxing, it seems that there are quite a few men that daydream about a few stars. A list was made by AskMen.com on the 99 most desirable women of 2007 [why 99? And isn’t it a bit early to be doing this kind of list in January?] had Ms. Beyonce Knowles at number 1. A good choice I think.

Who didn’t make the list? Well I think Ms. Alicia Keys should have made it. Talented and good looking, but the low profile she had in 2006 kept her out. That’s a shame. On the other end of the spectrum Mrs. Britney Spears (is she still married?) didn’t make it either. Thank goodness. I’m so tired of seeing her face. Limited talent, not really that pretty, no class – why do people still talk about her? And where was Mrs. Jada Pinkett-Smith? She is classy and sexy and deserves to be on the list, married or not. I have to add a long time favorite of Ms. Claudia Black. [Ayrn Sun rules! I don’t give a frell if you don’t agree. My fellow ‘Scapers know what I mean.]

Now as for the other women on the most desirable list, Ms. Gabrielle Union is far too low at 94. Ms. Rosario Dawson made it to 77, Ms. Jennifer Esposito got 69 (higher than Ms. Dawson?), Fergie is 60, Mrs. Gwen Stefani hit 56, Ms. Mandy Moore ranked 53, Ms. Tyra Banks was what to high at 26. Ms. Charlize Theron could have been higher at 24, Ms. Angalina Jolie caught 9, and Ms. Jessica Alba was far too high at 3. There are a huge number of women I have never seen before (but I’m not big on basic television or low quality programming so that could be a factor). And why are most of the women so thin that they have little or no curves? Face it, they may say that Ms. Knowles is number 1 because of abilities, but her sex appeal didn’t hurt either. That sex appeal is in no small part the fact that she has curves. Why most forms of entertainment are afraid of women with curves I have no idea. If models were shaped more like Ms. Knowles or Ms. Mayra Veronica I’m sure Top Model or runway shows would be far more interesting, for men and women. But that’s my take on the list you can check it out and make your on decision. [Ms. Hilary Duff, Ms. Jennifer Aniston, Ms. Lindsay Lohan, Ms. Penelope Cruz, Ms. Jessica Simpson, Ms. Eva Longoria all made the list and I have no idea why.]

Lastly, I hope that the actions or guerilla marketers in Boston will not adversely affect the programming at Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim. You may have heard how the various images of Err, and Master Shake shoke-up the city with fears of a terrorist scare or bombing hoax. It actually was just advertising that went wrong. It seems similar marketing ploys are in 9 other cities, and have been for weeks. I have to wonder though, that since these items were around for a couple of weeks (as was reported), did someone from the parent network decide to get some extra attention and called in the first couple of bomb reportings? Maybe an exec with a desire to get more traction since some poll showed the marketing wasn’t getting enough attention? I have to admit that I thought something was up when Err was pictured on screen and reporters fumbled to figure out who he was and the name of the show. They couldn’t even get the Moonites name right at first. Watching them describe the Aqua Teen Hunger Force show broke up the tension a lot! The apology at 7:59pm on Fox News, for screwing up the details, was classic!

This is what I think, what do you think?