The worst films since 2000

Having watched Stargate Universe, and learning of the upcoming V revisioned television series, I natually started to think about the worst that Hollywood and the entertainment industry has provided viewers. The list I could imagine is hardly small. And I wasn't the only one to come up with such a list.

It seems that the people at Rotten tomatoes had a similar thought. But I think the end of the decade had more to do with it than the latest slew of forgettable television fare. Still there is nothing like a list, especially of the worst as it confirms what you already knew.

I won't go thru the list of the worst films of the decade. There are 100 and the list contains several of the films you would expect. I will give you the top ten worst films, and several I think should have rated higher on the list of the worst excuses to steal your money.

10. Witless Protection
9. Redline
8. 3 Strikes
7. Strange Wilderness
6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
5. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers
4. King's Ransom
3. Pinocchio
2. One Missed Call
1. Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever

If you saw any of these films I really feel for you. I sadly saw King's Ransom and Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever. The pain still haunts me in nightmares from time to time.

But the following I think were misrated on the list.

The New Guy - rated 94 was light on logic. laughs, or anything else, but it was cute in a 10 year old way. I wouldn't have put it on the list, but I wouldn't want to pay money to see it either.

Larry the cable guy: Health Inspector - rated 85. Any film with this character should be in the top 20 worst films ever, unless of course you happen to not have teeth, love moonshine, and got all your education when you finished 3rd grade.

Doogal - rated 83 should be much higher. In fact if there was a list of films for kids that should be illegal to show kids, this would be in the top ten. Truly, if you don't like to abuse children then don't show them this film.

Gigli - rated 73. It only made it to 73? The rest of the list has to be really bad.

The Fog - rated 66 is the first remake on the list. Considering how bad the first film was, why did they remake it anyway? Another in a long list of films proving why revisioned films suck.

BloodRayne - ranked 48. A decent game, a miserable movie. Bad writing, horrible acting, terrible action scenes. There is nothing in the film worth watching, except the leading ladies if you are pre-pubescent.

Zoom - rated 41 is really not that bad. I'm not saying it was a good movie, it wasn't. But for bored kids that don't have another choice on television or DVD this will work. it definitely isn't worse than the films I've already commented on.

Codename: The Cleaner - rated 37 it is the Black equivalent of Larry the cable guy. Cedric may be many things, but he is NOT entertaining as a lead actor in any movie. Someone stop giving him movie lead roles.

The Whole Ten yards - rated 36. It actually deserves this rating. Nothing from the original film carries over to this film, made just to get your money. Bruce Willis slipped big on this one.

Rollerball - rated 28. Remake and revisioned. That is almost all I need to say. Perhaps it might have worked if the director and/or writers ever saw the original movie.

But I know what you are thinking. There are movies missing from the list. Notably:

Soul Plane - perhaps the worst film ever. At least the worst I have seen. It as so bad I had to fast forward through sections to stay awake.

Little Man - the Wayans family are generally talented. Shawn and Marlon are so bad in this film as to make you wonder if they were adopted.

Ghost Rider - the special effects were too good to put it on the worst list, but the acting and script really tried.

No doubt there are other bad films. I'm sure that the list of 100 had others I would have hated. Thankfully I did not see more on the list. And I can't remember more horrible films at the moment (likely blocked from memory).

So do you agree? What do you think was the worst film since 2000?

Movie trailers for fall 2008

Ok time for a couple of quick movie previews. The following movies will be coming out later this year, and a couple of them I will preview and/or review later. But this will give you a taste of what is to be expected.

First on the list is Max Payne. This is supposed to be the movie version of a successful video game. Yes, yet another videogame converted to a movie. Now will that mean it will be good? That’s a question as while Mark Wahlberg is in the film (and he does a decent action film – see The Big Hit) they have departed from the games storyline to give it a Constantine style theme. It seems the writers never bothered to play Max Payne, or they thought the gritty New York cop on a vendetta (and more than a few painkillers) was not intriguing enough. As long as it’s better than last years Hitman video game-to-movie flop it will be successful.



Then there is the 3rd remake of the Punisher comic book. Yes another comic book to movie attempt. This one is Punisher: War Zone. Now Marvel has been trying to get this right time and again. The prior 2 tries were so bad that they can’t even be called laughable. This one looks to be a bit grittier and darker, which sounds more like the character in the comics. Will Ray Stevenson be the man to finally bring this to life or will it be another straight to DVD bargain bin write-off for Marvel? The trailer says it will work, the history says failure. More soon.



A film that will be out shortly is Bangkok Dangerous. This is the chance for Nicholas Cage to resurrect himself from the horrible films he had out earlier this year (NEXT and Ghost Rider). It looks like this time he actually did some acting, though the character and action scenes remind me of his role in the film ConAir. A hitman looking to get revenge, and paid, can be a great idea and the setting in Bangkok won’t hurt.





Of course there is one thing that serious movie fans might want to know. This is a remake, an Americanized version of a film from 2000



Moving on to something that should keep us guessing is Eagle Eye. The premise seems fresh, so I have no idea where Hollywood came up with it. Considering the low-brow, unimaginative, boring, illogical nature of most movies these days this is a big surprise. Random people are used to act on behalf of an unknown group for an unknown reason, and the Government has a hard-on to get these average joes fast. (I wonder if the writers from USA Network’s Burn Notice were involved with this?)



Now a probable winner of a film should be the next 007 movie Quantum of Solace. The new blonde and more hands on physical James Bond (Daniel Craig) did a great job in Casino Royale. This next film looks to follow on that story directly. Bond is bitter and twisted in this film, and it’s bollocks for M or anyone else in his way. A more emotional and violent Bond film, this should keep the franchise alive and well.



Well this is a film that will certainly make money. Saw V. There really isn’t much more to say. The only trailer is very unclear, beyond the fact that someone is having a very bad day.



More reviews and trailers coming soon.

Watchmen, Wil Wheaton, Comic-Con - 8.2.2007.1

Well I have to give it to Mr. Wil Wheaton. He definitely knows how to get a point across on a blog. In a featured post Mr. Wheaton spared no emotions in denouncing the corporate execs that went to the recent Comic-Con. Minus the expletives, he hit the nail on the head.

Mr. Wheaton is upset at all the crappy ‘revisioning’ and ‘updating’ of great stories and movies that is the recent craze in Hollywood. I’ve constantly mentioned my distaste for virtually anything ‘revisioned’, actually I don’t recall any movie that modified or updated a great old concept with new, hip, modern ideas [Batman Begins may count, but it’s not quite right as it deals with the origin of Batman and not the Mr. Michael Keaton/Mr. Tim Burton version, nor the Dark Knight graphic novel they were somewhat based on]. That goes for every genre and has no connection to where the source material comes from.

Madonna’s American Pie sucked the life out of the original. The Hitcher, Psycho, The Honeymooners, Mortal Kombat, Flash Gordon, Dukes of Hazzard, and Starsky and Hutch are all great examples of screw-ups created with the ‘revisioned’ concept in mind. And that’s not the worst of it. Hollywood executives are so without ideas that they are not only making a movie of EVERY comic book character ever made (it seems) they are completely ignoring the storylines that made them popular. And for those movie studios without a comic book deal (yes there is one or 2) they are re-making movies for the 3rd time or more.

I know someone is saying 3rd versions? You have got to be kidding. Nope. An upcoming example is the new Invasion movie starring Ms. Nicole Kidman. Original movie – Invasion of the Body Snatchers – first remake was in the 80’s (as I recall) which was redone to create a heroine, and a back-story that were neither needed nor added to the story. The “new” movie tries to trick everyone with a shorter title (like we are all too dumb to figure it out) another twist to the back-story, another heroine that is now motivated by maternal desires and I predict will utterly fail as they miss the point of the whole damn original concept that made it worth being remade.

All of this is not lost on Mr. Wheaton. His comments on the ruined storylines for Daredevil, Electra, Fantastic Four, Captain America (done at least 2x on television), The Hulk (I can accept the television series, but the movie failed both the comic book and the series), Ghost Rider, League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and many others rings pinpoint true. Hollywood exec generally have no clue what the draw is for these films and substitute their own ideas of what might pull an audience, and fail miserably.

The increasingly rare exceptions continue to be where an actual fan is involved. The Spiderman series, the first 2 X-Men movies, The Fly remake, The Lord of the Rings dutiful transition, are all part of a handful of fans dedicated to getting it right.

Which brings up the Watchmen movie. If you have read the graphic novels you probably get what it’s about. It’s intense, powerful and direct without having to hit you over the head. The fact that it is planned for a movie is fantastic. My expectation for Hollywood to get it right is low. I hope they get it right. But I can’t see an exec understanding the joke that is the Joker, or the paranoia of Rorschach. I can hope, and if the director is a fan we might just get lucky. We shall see.

This is what I think, what do you think?

Discussing Ghost Rider, Thank You for Smoking and 300 Spartans - 2.20.2007.1

The latest comic book brought to life has occurred in the film Ghost Rider. Every comic book collector my age and younger should feel vindicated now. It seems that every great series has, or is planned, to be brought to life. The only reasons seem to be that Hollywood can’t think up a new idea, and the fact that the rich storylines found in comics is easy to transfer to film. Even the execs that love to ‘revision’ storylines can’t help but try to delve into the history these comics have developed and the fan base they have cultivated.

I am a fan of the early Ghost Rider story, and the far later Johnny Blaze story line. From what I’ve seen from commercials there is a bit of each in the movie. This may explain why it has done so well. It’s not just a kiddie story, and Xatharos is no happy protagonist. I doubt that many fanatical Christians will be watching the film because of this, but in my mind that is there loss. The special effects look phenomenal, Xatharos looks real. I love the bike as well. I like the inclusion of a Nightmare (demonic flaming horse of mythos). I need to go see this film, but anyone who has and knows the storyline – please tell me what you thought of the movie.

Speaking of movies I want to see and enjoyed, have you seen Thank You For Smoking? I love this film. I don’t get to the movie theater as often as I would like and I recently saw this film on DVD. It’s a great film. Very much in the style of Wag the Dog. It’s not a film of good guys or bad guys. There is no black and white absolutes to the characters in the film. Everyone is a shade of gray, and it’s realistic. Mr. Aaron Eckhart does a fabulous job as the lead Nick Naylor.

The question of this film is not if smoking is bad. It’s not a liberal, left-wing anti-smoking rant. It’s not a pro-smoking or conservative choose-for-yourself film either. It’s simply a story of a man, living in the world as it is and doing the job he is best at. Considering the less than beneficial motivations of everyone in the film, it’s surprising the number of top list actors that are involved in this low-budget film. I particularly loved Mr. Rob Lowe’s performance as a Hollywood uber-mogul, getting anything done for the right price and severely absorbed with Japanese culture and a God complex. [Of particular fun was the line where he mentions that he only sleeps on Sunday]

It’s an intellectual film, so yes expect words over action. It’s not Grand Canyon though. Watch out if you have a smart child though. The argument [and not a negotiation] that Nick’s son gives his mother is both sharp and, if it were in my family, well deserving of a slap.

Of course if you are a anti-smoking fanatic, you may not enjoy the film as much as I did. If you can follow the logic and fast paced A is similar to B therefore C slippery slope then you will love this.

If you are interested in action I think the next film, 300 Spartans will be of interest. The bad part may be that the film will have little historical accuracy. Like many films today it will focus on imagery and not on the story. That may be sad as the story is legendary. I’ve spoken on it previously so I won’t go into more detail.

This is what I think, what do you think?