Hugh Jackman ain't Lee Marvin - Real Steel

Let's say that you are a Hollywood executive. So between meetings deciding where you can eat dinner and get the most peer attention, and where to drink to get the most peer attention, you have to figure out a movie to greenlight for Hugh Jackman to be in.

You could:

A) Read through the pile of original scripts that you have been using as a makeshift coffee table
B) Look through your son's comic book collection
C) Keep watching Nick-At-Nite since you are overstimulated and can't sleep more than an hour a day anyway

Sadly for Hugh Jackman, or at least his agent, the option picked in real life was C. Thus we have yet another revisioned remake of a Twilight Zone episode coming to a theater near you. Not that the horrendous revisioning of Button Button - in theaters now as The Box - had any influence on the decision.



Yes, Jackman will be starring in Real Steel. A rip-off of the Twilight Zone episode Steel that aired on October 1963 and was based on a short story from 1956. That episode starred a real great actor, Lee Marvin. It was a tale of indomitable spirit and optimism. It was gritty and Black & White. It is so old that whichever Hollywood exec is completely sure that movie-goers by large will have no idea it's yet another copy of a television show episode (not even a series).

Such is the dearth of ideas that Hollywood is willing to take a chance on. Their quest of "bankable" ideas matched with popular entertainers trump any real effort at providing entertainment more often than not. But at least this is not yet another sequel or comic book to movie conversion or video game to movie conversion.

The premise of the film is basically the same as the Twilight Zone episode. It's the future. Boxing is now relegated to only androids. Jackman is the owner of a run-down android that is his last chance at success. The theory of the film, as stated so far, is that this will be a Rocky-esque film. I suppose that means the underdog will win even though there is no reason in creation why anyone would ever believe it should happen. Then again there is always the thought



Look, Jackman is ok. But a boxer? Unless he has a crazy intense workout schedule nowhere near believable shape. Especially if they follow the Twilight Zone script and have him fight a machine. Lee Marvin was a WWII Marine Scout Sniper vet with a purple heart. Jackman is a teen heartthrob (ok, maybe to ladies older than that too). Jackman is basically the guy that is the butt of the Eddie Murphy joke (just taller and Australian).

And all of this says nothing of the filler that will be thrown into the movie to fill up the time that is outside of what was already in the Twilight Zone episode. So roughly about 30 minutes of new material from writers that haven't done anything truly original in decades. That worked out really well in The Box. I expect about the same here.

The only real hope of this film lies in the director. Shawn Levy is known for his Night at the Museum - which was decent - and the atrocious Pink Panther revisioning. That's 50/50 odds, not including the fact that Real Steel is not a comedy. My hopes are not rising.

But there is time before the trailers come out (in 2010). Who knows, maybe a writer with a spark of originality might be hired as a Christmas gift to the public. Or more likely, accountants have figured out that it's time for another great White hope, and theaters are the only place it will really pay off even if it sucks.

Movie Review: X-Men Origins: Wolverine

What can I say about one of the more anticipated movies of this summer season? I was disappointed.

Wolverine is a movie with several things going for it, but it just doesn't seem to take hold of any of them. Fans of the comic books will have various issues on top of those presented by the movie. Regular fans of the X-Men will feel short-changed. It's like the bonus scenes at the end of the movie, neither is worth the time you spend waiting to see them.

X-Men Origins: Wolverine is indeed a well produced movie. There is CGI and explosions to fulfill the testosterone needs, and more than enough scenes of Hugh Jackman without a shirt off to pass the time of most who enjoy that. Jackman has worked out a lot for the film. The explosions happen almost every 15 minutes with fights mixed in between to keep everyone busy. There is even a loose bit of plot woven into the whole thing to keep your mind stimulated, a little.

But it just doesn't work. Here is a problem, we start the film proper with Logan and Creed part of a secret superhuman squad of assassins. This is after an introduction explaining that they had been part of every conflict and battle America had since the Civil War (Interesting to note that both Creed and Logan were in Blue). We are introduced to every member of the group as they do their thing against some ambiguous African warlord with a stash of diamonds. Then they are all gone, essentially.

Zero, has one scene where we get to see he is really fast and accurate at firing a gun, and about 45 seconds throughout the rest of the film. Blob gets the scene against the tank, and another in the boxing ring. Then he is gone. Wraith gets about 10 minutes, of which only 1/3 has him talking. But he does get to be in 3 locations before he is gone. And Wade Wilson - well other than his opening scene, nada. Hey Ryan Reynolds got paid a likely $200,000 plus for 5 minutes of screen time. I don't hold that against him. It's a great job and life if you can get it.

Suffice to say, everything in this movie is just thrown at you, then tossed away. You barely get enough time to understand who a character is and what they might be able to do, before they are gone. So you never really get to care. Except for Wolverine and Sabertooth. Which you either like or not from early on in the film.

Plus you are left with a lot of why in this movie. Why are some mutants killed, others held captive, and yet others frozen in block of ice. Why don't certain people, besides Wolverine, remember what happened in the subsequent movies this is a prequel of. Why does Wolverine lose his memory even though he heals from all injuries perfectly. Why doesn't Sabertooth use any of the past on Wolverine in the X-Men movies?

And on and on.

You don't get a lot of time to ponder any of these questions. The movie keeps the pace high enough that you never get enough time to consider these questions. But you are left with the feeling that nothing is resolved. And once the film ends it just hits you like a brick.

As much as I was looking forward to the film, it just never got to a point where I was satisfied. Especially my interest in the Wade Wilson/Deadpool character. As a fan of that comic book character I was left with a Tim Burton Batman movie introduction and end to the character.

Bottom line, Don't see this in the theater. It will be a nice DVD, especially if there is extra scenes that expand on the characters and what they can do and/or give more details about them.

Let's hope that the ret of this years crop of summer movies just get better from this point on.

The movies of 2009

With 2008 quickly coming to an end it's time to look forward to 2009 and the films we can expect to see. So far several of the biggest movies look to be no better than the fare presented to us in 2008. Hollywood seems to have forgone entertainment for quick easy bucks. But we can hope that at least this time they might gwet some of these retreads right.

What we do know for sure is that there will be at least 4 movies that are sequels, 4 that are based on comic books, graphic novels and/or cartoons. There will also be at least 2 movies based on video games. Originality seems to be dead.

Starting with cartoons and comic books we have Dragonball. Based on the original manga, this japanese sensation has taken the world by storm. Dragonball (in which I include Dragonball Z) is the most watched cartoon in the world, with an estimated 64 million fans across the world. That also puts it far above shows like Seinfeld, Friends, American Idol, Survivor and so many other television shows. So expect this to be completely screwed up, sadly. Even worse since Chow Yung Fat is in it.





All the better trailers got pulled. Sorry.

Next on the list will be Watchmen. I've discussed this previously. You will want to see this. From everything I can tell this is a near literal translation of the graphic novel, which means an experience that truly will be entertaining by definition.



Then there is GI Joe. A decent cartoon and previously done as an animated film before they became all the rage. This will be live action like Dragonball. The potential is there for a good film, though the characters and storyline are being changed. Instead of all Americans it will be international and include a bad guy that was a former American GI Joe. Thank Hollywood for that bit of tarnish.

Best I could find is a discussion of the cast if that helps. I hate presenting fan fiction instead of a trailer.



Then there are the sequels. Lots of them.

Wolverine is of course on top of the list. As one of the most popular X-Men ever, and as personafied by Hugh Jackman expectations are high. It looks like this group of writers actually read the source comic books and got it right.



Another talked about trailer is Fast and Furious. With the prior 2 movies being bombs, and with the assurance that Paul Walker cannot handle a film lead on his own, Vin Deisel is back. So is Michelle Rodriguez. Of course the fact that both have had problems being bankable may have more to do with this version. Does that mean it will be good?



Another sequel with lots of cars and following up a prior theme is Transformers 2. The first film was short on plot, full of holes, and stupid. But it made money. What can we expect from the first sequel (of undobtedly many more). This is possibly a fan made trailer. Can't be quite sure.



But I can be sure of this next trailer. Terminator 4: Salvation. With Christian Bale who is a very good actor. No more Governator though. Still it looks decent if not a bit gritty. This John Connor looks far better than the one in the 3rd film too. Should be quite the film, and a secure box office smash.



And more of a prequel than sequel is the new Star Trek movie. From what I have seen so far I am unimpressed. Maybe younger fans that have never seen the original might like it. Fans of Star Trek: Enterprise might like it. Fans of Voyager could like it. But not anyone else I think. Unless there is a lot more to the film than what the trailer hints at.



And then there are the video game movies. Honestly the video games today are more like movies than the movies. And of better quality. But occasionally we get something good. Here are the 2009 choices.

Halo

As best as I can tell this is what the movie may look like and contain. There are a slew of fakes out there but this seems authentic. And if it is real it starts kind of slow. But it definitely give the impression that if this is how the movie starts, it will just get really crazy and fast from there.



Then there is the Prince of Persia: Sands of Time. Another good game with an interesting trailer for the theaters.



And then there is the classic game Legend of Zelda. While the movie is focused on the original game in the setting it seems to also have deviated quite a bit too. But there have been numerous versions of the game in the last 20 years so a bit of mixing is to be expected. This will likely be very family friendly with at least one love story in it for the ladies. Will it be worthy of the title?



Continued in part 2