Anna Nicole Smith: The Opera

Of the many things in the world I could expect an opera to be made about, Anna Nicole Smith is not among them. In fact if I had made a bet with Las Vegas yesterday about the chances of such an event happening, the odds would have been astronomical I would guess. The difference one day makes.

Because in the face of crazy odds, good taste and profiting off the back of the dead there will be an opera based on Anna Nicole Smith.

Who would bring such an atrocity to the stage? Who would think that anyone of sound mind would part with their hard-earned cash in this economic blast furnace to watch such a travesty of the arts? Richard Thomas.

If you are wondering who in the world this is think back to another great occurrence in the world of opera. He is the man responsible from presenting Jerry Springer: The Opera to the masses. And that collective look of dumbfoundment and trepidation you likely have is answer enough about the quality I expect from this venture.

Of course to propose an opera is one thing, but you need to stage it somewhere. Considering the reputations of opera houses across the world you might think that this could be found in the Timbuktu Opera House (no offense to them if one exists). But in fact it will be at the Royal Opera in Britain. I had no idea they were that starved for cash.

Opera loves tragedy, and the life of Smith is one fraught with just that. But it is also a life that was self-inflicted. Without merit. And without cause of celebration, re-enactment, or glorification.

I suppose that those fans of the Jerry Springer Show, who likely saw the film and play, are likely to see this play as well. But as I consider most people that would view such tripe as just as likely to appear on the program, the rest of the human race will undoubtedly avoid this near inarguable refuse.

Still I could be wrong. It is probable that Anna Nicole Smith: The Opera could be an endearing testament of the pressure and pitfalls of success and fame. On the same order of probability that I can produce diamonds out of my rectum. It’s probable, but that does not mean it is a practical reality in this universe.

But by all means, if you are in the mood to smack your face with a ball-peen hammer, go see this performance for yourself. If after viewing this you have more brains left than drinking a Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, and you are still imbued with the ability to flail your limbs enough to respond, please do let me know if I was wrong.

And for those wondering about the Pan-Galactic Gargle Blaster, it is/was created by Zaphod Beeblebrox and the effect of one is like having your brain smashed out by a slice of lemon wrapped round a large gold brick.

Oprah mistaken to show pregnant "man"

I understand that Oprah Winfrey is an entertainer. Her purpose is to provide something to give women something to watch and talk about at bridge meetings, the office, and the spa. While she occasionally hits on real subjects of note, most often she revels in man-hating topics, movie promotion interviews and nonsensical topics that would never have made the airwaves before the Robert Downey Show (a mid-80’s program that was the inspiration for Jerry Springer).

But I just find the subject of a recent show to be objectionable and wrong. This is my personal opinion, and has little to do with Oprah beyond her allowing the subject to hit the airwaves. What was the show? A pregnant man.

Well that is what it was billed as, but in fact that is a lie. Every newscaster that has touched on this story has made the reference of this being a man that is pregnant. That is physically impossible, and untrue. In fact it is a woman that is pregnant. Not that this obvious fact of nature matters to the state of Oregon – the home of the city of Eugene that can’t figure out how to speak to African Americans.

Let me explain that this falls into a category of items I call “We can, but we shouldn’t”. Like injecting poison into your body – otherwise known as botox injections. Or breast implants for teenagers. Or as in this case changing your sex.

The “man” in this case is actually a woman, who partially changed her body to resemble a man’s. She is “married” to a woman. She maintains the reproductive organs of a woman. Thus she is a woman, and the fact she is pregnant proves it. Worse is the fact that if she raises the child in this family setting. That kid, mark my words, will be the most screwed up kid in quite some time.

I do not agree with people trying to be smarter than nature and “fixing” their sex. I do not agree with these people raising a child. And I mean transgendered not gay when I say these people. Nature said they were male or female, and unless they are a hermaphrodite [which this woman in question has functionally become] that is all there should be.

Science may be capable of cloning creatures (which I disagree with), manipulating DNA (another bad idea), and moving around body parts – but human beings are not smart enough to know neither why these things exist as they do nor how they affect their surroundings. We just aren’t. And in promoting the belief that we are this smart, Oprah does society a disservice.

My greatest objection to this is because of my personal belief. It is because of the impact on the unborn child and society. It is one thing for a grown adult to manipulate their body in an unnatural way (all cosmetic surgery is unnatural and generally unnecessary), but promoting that as normal or positive – as being on Oprah makes it – is bad, in my opinion. And to raise a child in a family that is sexually confused and societal pariahs is unfair and conductive to problems in that child’s emotional if not intellectual growth.

Appearing on Oprah just gives fuel to others to follow in this manner, just as the antics of Britney Spears, Lindsey Lohan, and Paris Hilton (among others of both sexes) promote and fuel drugs, drunken binges, anorexia, ill-behavior and such. Or in another manner it’s like the way that Columbine has caused the copycats since that event.

I do not see a single positive to society, or the unborn child, by the actions of Oprah in promoting this act. It was wrong, but sadly the genie is out of the bottle. As such I give my condolences to the future children of the transgendered parents.

Some things in this world we can do, but we just shouldn’t.