The Razzie Award nominations are out

Ah, what is January without the annual Razzie Award nominations. Not that 2008 was a year lacking actors, actresses, and films aplenty for the nominations. In fact I’m sure the judges had quite the time trying to narrow the field.

But the Razzies generally pick the top of the worst of any given year. And unlike the Oscars, the film nominated here you have definitely heard of, and sadly might have seen. Such is the shame of Hollywood year after year.

For 2009 we have the following, with my comments included:

Worst Picture:

Disaster Movie
In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Meet the Spartans
The Happening - boring
The Hottie & the Nottie – any movie that would have Paris Hilton in it should automatically be nominated, if not win.
**Why is The Day The Earth Stood Still not in this?**

Worst Actor

Mike Myers - The Love Guru
Eddie Murphy - Meet Dave - What is wrong with Murphy these days. He can be so much better than this.
Al Pacino - 88 Minutes and Righteous Kill
Mark Wahlberg - The Happening and Max Payne - Neither film was worth the money
Larry the Cable Guy - Witless Protection - How he cannot win I can’t imagine.
**I know everyone seems to disagree, because he is dead, but Heath Ledger’s Joker sucked.**
***And Keanu Reeves deserves to be in this group more than Wahlberg does, for his work in The Day The Earth Stood Still***

Worst Actress

Jessica Alba - The Love Guru and The Eye - She is just really bad.
Cameron Diaz - What Happens in Vegas - Embarrassing
Paris Hilton - The Hottie & the Nottie - The must win choice. The other ladies may have tried but they all have far more talent in their sleep than Hilton at her best (if such a moment exists).
Kate Hudson - Fool's Gold and My Best Friend's Girl
The Entire Cast of "The Women" - Annette Bening, Eva Mendes, Debra Messing, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Meg Ryan.

Worst Supporting Actor

Uwe Boll, Postal
Pierce Brosnan - Mamma Mia! - How far we have fallen since The Matador and Bond.
Ben Kingsley, The Love Guru, War, Inc., The Wackness - I like him, but War, Inc. just puts him over the top in this one.
Burt Reynolds, Deal and In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Verne Troyer, The Love Guru and Postal.

Worst Supporting Actress

Carmen Electra - Disaster Movie, Meet The Spartans - Hey, be nice she can’t do better.
Paris Hilton - Repo! The Genetic Opera; - Yet another film proving that were it not for money she would have nothing to justify her life
Kim Kardashian - Disaster Movie
Jenny Mccarthy, Witless Protection; - She deserves it just for appearing in the film
Leelee Sobieski - 88 Minutes, In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale

Worst Screen Couple

Uwe Boll and Any Actor, Camera and Screenplay
Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher, What Happens In Vegas - The only words I have are, I understand why they got a Razzie
Paris Hilton and either Christine Lakin or Jorel David Moore, The Hottie And The Nottie - Again the queen of too much money and no talent stands out.
Larry The Cable Guy and Jenny Mccarthy, Witless Protection; - Giving Paris Hilton the only kind of competition she deserves.
Eddie Murphy In Eddie Murphy, Meet Dave. – Not really a couple now is it?

Worst Prequel, Sequel, Remake Or Rip-Off

The Day The Earth Stood Still - Horrendous remake, the writer should be slapped.
Disaster Movie
Meet The Spartans
Indiana Jones And The Kingdom Of The Crystal Skull
Speed Racer - Someone was on drugs when they filmed this. Give me the original cartoon anytime.
Star Wars: The Clone Wars - George Lucas can’t need the money that bad, can he?
**Max Payne fits this category, as it is a ripoff of the video game. And a bad ripoff at that.**
***Again in the ripoff, a film that stole from at least 3 other films - Doomsday. If you missed it, be happy.***

Worst Director

Uwe Boll - Tunnel Rats, In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale And Postal
Jason Friedberg And Aaron Seltzer - Disaster Movie And Meet The Spartans - And anyone expected better in these ripoff ideas?
Tom Putnam - The Hottie And The Nottie - Paris Hilton, do I need to say anything more?
Marco Schnabel - The Love Guru
M. Night Shyamalan, The Happening. – The best film to put you to sleep.

Worst Screenplay

Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer - Disaster Movie And Meet The Spartans - The obvious favorites to win.
M. Night Shyamalan - The Happening
Heidi Ferrer - The Hottie And The Nottie
Doug Taylor - In The Name Of The King: A Dungeon Siege Tale
Mike Myers and Graham Gordy, The Love Guru
**Actually I don’t understand how The Day The Earth Stood Still missed this category**

Worst Career Achievement

Uwe Boll - "Germany's answer to Ed Wood" - Ed Wood was funny at least.

Such are my thoughts of the films worth of Razzie’s in 2008. Perhaps you know of a film that deserved to be on this list? Let me know because no one should need to own a DVD of films of this quality. Even if you need a Frisbee in an emergency.

Oh and here is an early prediction for 2009, Notorious will top a few of the categories here.

Celebrities and entertainers that should retire

Things in Hollywood tend to happen in 3’s. Whether it’s a franchise of movies (before everyone stops caring about the series of films), celebrity deaths, or now early retirement. The current news flash about the silver screen is that Joaquin Phoenix, Angelina Jolie, and Nicole Kidman have all lost the acting bug. But does it matter?

What happened to the old days where good actors and actresses worked until they stopped getting roles or just sucked so bad that they stopped trying? When did entertainers publicly announce the fact that directors and Hollywood execs had lost faith, or found them too problematic, and stopped taking their calls?

Now this may not be true of each of the above movie stars. Angelina Jolie still packs in the crowds and her movies have been quite good of late. WANTED was a good film and made decent money (though she was way too skinny). Changeling seems to be doing alright in theaters, Beowulf and Kung Fu Panda don’t count as they were animated. And she was nominated twice for her work in A Mighty Heart. So to see her give up film work is a bit of a loss. Then again no one is really looking forward to Lara Croft 3.

Joaquin Phoenix is still riding high off of his work on Walk the Line (which was excellent). But his work on Gladiator, Ladder 49, and Hotel Rwanda easily cover the lesser known Two Lovers and Reservation Road. And the fact that he is Puerto Rican (which most do not seem to focus on) is a bonus to me at least. But like many actors, music is a drive that is currently consuming him.

Nicole Kidman though needed to retire years ago. Seriously, her retirement is more the fact that she does not deserve the pay she makes. The last success she had was Happy Feet, which was animated. It could be argued that Cold Mountain was a hit, but you really need to go back to The Hours or Moulin Rouge – roughly 8 years ago. Her career seriously peaked in 1990 with Days of Thunder, which former husband Tom Cruise (and the NASCAR cars) had more to do with.

But if every one of these actors stopped making films, who would care? Besides their fan clubs, not many. These are not the Humphrey Bogart’s, John Wayne’s, Lucille Ball’s, Lena Horn’s, or Katherine Hepburn’s of film. 2 of the 3 are very good, but not a single one is great. Their loss really amounts to nothing.

It’s not like the masses are losing anything. And telling the world that you won’t make another bad film we wouldn’t watch on DVD (mostly in Kidman’s case) only means we have something to look forward to, not lament.

No what this really says to me is that Hollywood is sitting on it’s laurels too much. That too many are overhyped. That the dearth of real talent is more obvious today than perhaps at any point in movie history. And that many of the more bankable and successful actors and actresses are still not going to get the attention they deserve.

If anything I hope this leads to a flood of retirements among the current crop of entertainers out now. Perhaps the following could retire and save us the movies, trailers, and DVD’s that flood the market now. I’d love to hear that the following are going to avoid smiting my eyes in 35mm

Johnny Knoxville
Vince Vaughn
Jennifer Lopez
Halle Berry (yes she has an Oscar, but name the film she won for. Or a great role she has done? Or a great film she was in.)
Jennifer Aniston
Ashton Kutchner (he was bad on television. Take away Demi Moore and you have nothing worthwhile about him)
Topher Grace
Ben Stiller
Leonardo DiCaprio (over-hyped)
Jessica Alba (looks but no talent)
Hillary Duff
Lindsey Lohan
Jean Claude Van Damme
Steven Segal (his time is passed)
Beyonce Knowles (stick to singing)
DMX
Ja Rule
Virtually every gangsta rapper
Cedric the Entertainer
Ben Afflect

The list is not perfect (there should be more on it) but in each case it is clear that the people here are each in need of serious acting classes, or at least better screening of the scripts they agree to.

I’m sure some will not agree with at least a few of these choices. Every actor that makes it to the big screen has a few fans. And looks trump talent these days. But not one of these actors or actresses can match up to real talent – thankfully they don’t even appear in movies where real talents appear. As I recall none of the above have performed with

Denzel Washington
Jamie Foxx
Robert Downey Jr.
Terrence Howard
Michael Douglas
Al Pacino
Benicio Del Toro
Johnny Depp
Kiera Knightley
Susan Sarandon
Tom Hanks
Forest Whitaker
Morris Chestnut

I don’t think I need to go on.

But if you could pick anyone to remove from movie screens and television forever who would you pick? Do you agree with my choices, and who might I have left out?

Which do you prefer: Razzie or Oscar Awards?

On lighter news, the Oscar nominations are out. Yet again there is a list of movies that no one has seen, nor interested in going to see. Yet again better movies and actors are being ignored completely. Yet again Hollywood disconnects from the average American.

Not that any of this is a new thing. And some of the actions are not surprising. I mean Denzel Washington will not receive another Oscar probably for some time, if ever again. Why? Because he has already won an Oscar, and once you win you often get place in the back of the list for a while. Exceptions exist for that rule, notably Tom Hanks, but it is a general rule that once you win you won’t win again for a long time, no matter how good you are or the films you are in.

So don’t expect to see Jaime Foxx, Eddie Murphy, Jennifer Hudson, Denzel, Halle Berry, or a host of others any time soon. The fact that everyone I just mentioned is Black is secondary to my prior point. The abovementioned are prominent in that the Oscar Academy is almost a half-century behind the American movie-goers in recognizing the ability of African American, Hispanic/Latino, and other minority entertainers. That goes for directors, movies, genres, actors/actresses, and virtually ever individual behind the camera lens that helps to create the films we love.

[Special interest should have been noted for Don Cheadle and his movie Darfur Now. He is one of the few Americans, and even fewer celebrities/entertainers that are out there trying to improve the lives of millions that deserve and need it.]

So rather than discuss the constant myopia that the Oscar Academy views films via, I will instead speak about the Razzies. They are the recognition of the absolute worst films that are churned out each year. In general these awards are more in line with what the average person feels, and is unbiased in terms of race.

The nominees this year include the following:

Worst Picture
Bratz – ** anorexic dolls with attitudes on film- Joy!
Daddy Day Camp
I Know Who Killed Me
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Norbit

Worst Actor
Nicolas Cage, in Ghost Rider, National Treasure and Next
Jim Carrey, The Number 23
Cuba Gooding, Jr., Daddy Day Camp and Norbit
Eddie Murphy, Norbit
Adam Sandler, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry – ** Did he really think this would work, or did they pay him a lot of money?

Worst Actress
Jessica Alba, Awake, Fantastic Four, and Good Luck Chuck - ** sort of cute, but no ability and the movies she’s in prove it
Logan Browning, Janel Parrish, Nathalia Ramos AND Skyler Shaye, Bratz (real close with Alba)
Elisha Cuthbert, Captivity
Diane Keaton, Because I Said So
Lindsay Lohan, I Know Who Killed Me

Worst Supporting Actor
Orlando Bloom, Pirates of the Caribbean
Kevin James, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Eddie Murphy, Norbit
Rob Schneider, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Jon Voight, Bratz, National Treasure September Dawn and Transformers - ** Because of Bratz, but Transformers was a waste as well

Worst Supporting Actress
Jessica Biel, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Carmen Electra, Epic Movie
Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia), Norbit
Julia Ormond, I Know Who Killed Me
Nicolette Sheridan, Code Name: The Cleaner - ** An obvious winner! Please no more films starring Cedric

Worst Screen Couple
Jessica Alba & either Hayden Christensen in Awake; Dane Cook in Good Luck Chuck; or Ioan Gruffudd in Fantastic Four - ** winner for Fantasic Four, no chemistry or even talent there
Any Combination of Two Totally Air-Headed Characters in Bratz
Lindsay Lohan and Lindsay Lohan in I Know Who Killed Me
Eddie Murphy (as Norbit) & either Eddie Murphy (as Mr. Wong) or Eddie Murphy (as Rasputia) in Norbit
Adam Sandler & either Kevin James or Jessica Biel in I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

Worst Remake or Ripoff
Are We Done Yet? (remake of Mr. Blandings Builds His Dream House)
Bratz (A rip-off if there ever was one)
Epic Movie (Rip-off of every movie it rips off)
I Know Who Killed Me (Rip-off of Hostel, Saw and The Patty Duke Show)
Who's Your Caddy (Rip-off of Caddy Shack) - ** while the host of films that are horrible or blatant rip-offs and remakes of far better films, this had to be the most poorly done concept yet

Worst Prequel or Sequel
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
Daddy Day Camp
Evan Almighty
Hannibal Rising - ** they were drunk when they gave this a greenlight right? Drunker still when they didn’t go straight to DVD I bet
Hostel: Part II

Worst Director
Dennis Dugan, I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry
Roland Joffe, Captivity
Brian Robbins, Norbit
Fred Savage, Daddy Day Camp - **Funny is not in your vision
Chris Siverston, I Know Who Killed Me

Worst Excuse for a Horror Movie
Aliens vs Predator: Requiem - **Hey why follow any of the established rules or concepts behind the actual success and interest in the original movies. Screw it up in ever more boring ways and be original
Captivity
Hannibal Rising
Hostel: Part II
I Know Who Killed Me

Now that is a group of horrendous films. I could add a few easily to that list, and in fact I did with my review of 2007 movies. How Codename: The Cleaner, Underdog, and The Invasion missed all these lists amazes me.

But Bratz, a film dedicated to anorexia, poor attitudes and the dolls that promote it, easily belongs here. Did anyone even see the film? My winners were noted in the lists above.

I want to bring up another list I mentioned last year.

“I equally reveled in the failure of equally America hating films Rendition, Lions For Lambs, and Redacted. The abject failure of these films to garner any interest is a testament to the good taste of everyone except the people who greenlighted them. I can only hope that the actors in these films were doing them for the paychecks and not their political views. I would also say that if the producers and writers of these films feel that strongly (especially Mark Cuban) give up your citizenship and move to Iraq, Iran, Afghanistan or any other nation that will take you. I will not mourn your loss or the money you have.”

Every movie in that quote should get a special Razzie for America hating, Bin Laden loving, MoveOn.org loving, loserfest!

Well those are my thoughts. I hope this year will be better, but if Hollywood is anything it’s consistent.