2010 movies to avoid like a plague

Given that the movies that seem to have the most hype also have been on the list of movies that I think will be good in 2010, there is also a fair chance they won't match the hype and be among the list of the worst movies of 2010. But that's a gamble and I've made my bet. As for the rest of the films in 2010...

Here is my list of films that I am ABSOLUTELY sure will be horrendous wastes of time and money. I could be proven wrong, but I doubt it.

Tooth Fairy - Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson needs a new agent. He is not a great actor, never was. He was decent in action films where he didn't need to say a lot and could use his muscles often. Kind of Arnold Schwartzennager. But unlike the now Governator, Johnson has yet to build up enough action films to allow him to make these awful kids movies he seems hell-bent on starring in. Just wait for the bargain bin DVD sale.

I Love You Phillip Morris - Jim Carrey is the opposite of The Rock. We love his comedic skills. The man is funny. But put him in a serious role and you are looking at a bomb of a movie. Make that film about a prison escapee, with a gay love story at its heart, and you are looking at a film that even DVD sales won't help. But France might like it.

Cop Out - I like Bruce Willis films. He is great as a cop and authority figure. He brings a great everyman quality to the films he is in. But none of that makes him capable of making a bad film good. Oh, and Tracy Morgan just isn't that funny.

Alice in Wonderland - Yes I will stand alone on this one. I know that Johnny Depp is in the film. I know Tim Burton directed it. But people forget that both men LOVE extreme cinema that is anything but mainstream. And the story of Alice in Wonderland is really nigh incomprehensible to the mainstream as is. It will be a good art film, but no where near a commercial success.

Clash of the Titans - Fans of the original movie will be disappointed. Fans of Transformers will likely be in love with this film. Everyone else will have moments of appreciation of the CGI, and depression at the plot in this revisioned movie.

The Back-up Plan - Jennifer Lopez is the star. Do you really need another reason to avoid this film? Ok, it's about artificial insemination as the key plot device.

Wall Street 2 - A thinly veiled political message packaged in a sequel that really is well past it's prime.

Robin Hood - Russell Crowe is no Erroll Flynn. It's another film trying to improve on a universally accepted perfection in movies. The only positive is that it should be better than Kevin Kosner's try at it.

Sex and the City 2 - Did anyone really want a sequel to this rehash of a truly mediocre television show brought to the big screen?

Marmaduke - Live action versions of comic strip characters never work. Didn't Garfield end this concept?

The A-Team - I really would like to be wrong about this. I liked the 80's television show. But revisioning of television shows to fit on the big screen just don't work. At least Ben Stiller is not in this fiasco waiting to happen.

Jonah Hex - Ever hear of the comic book? I didn't think so. This is a comic book to movie conversion of a 3rd rate comic book that no one cared about 38 years ago. Even comic book fans will avoid this. And if you think the plot might help, you haven't read what the plot is.

SAW VII - When a horror movie (slasher, whatever) goes to 3-D for a sequel you just know it's all over.

Red Dawn - Another revisioned remake of an 80's film. Sure to be filled with political messages straight from the far-left field of view. The only thought that might be of interestr is how Hollywood might resolve America-bashing with a movie that is supposed to be pro-America. I really hope I am wrong on this one, but the November launch date does not give me reassurance (it's a slot only slightly better than January).

Yogi Bear - I'll say it again, live action films don't work.

The Green Hornet - Reaching way back in television time, this is a revisioned retread of the 60's show. I just can't buy Seth Rogen as the Green Hornet. Likely the writing will target campy and hit on awful. I shudder at what it will be like.

Next up are the films that are too ugly to classify as good or bad.

DC Comics to movie conversions - reality or waste of time?

If you are a fan of comic books, or the flood of movies based on comic book characters, you probably have wondered

"Are there any characters besides the Marvel line-up?"

Comic book fans all know that this is an overstatement of the facts. There are a host of characters in movies these days. And in the past as well. There is Superman and Batman, but also Hellboy, Constantine, Watchmen (excellent graphic novel series and movie), V for Vendetta (another must see/read), Sin City, along with a host of others.

But basically the big hitters that everyone can recall recently are the Marvel line-up (with the exception of the new Batman Dark Knight series and the Superman retread). DC Comics seems to just be lost in the live action trend. Which brings up an old debate:

Who is better, Marvel or DC?

I think the trend in conversions to movies answers the question in definitive terms. Marvel is king. There are plenty of independents that beat out DC. Take away the Dark Knight, and there is little for DC to hang their hat on. Remove Superman as well and everything else for them falls flat. Because that's the best they have.

To me, the characters of DC are far too over-the-top in general. To cartoonish and simplistic. To one dimensional to be realized in the movie format. That's why DC does so well with taking their line-up and transferring it to cartoons (like the Superfriends or Teen titans). They lend themselves to extremism and lack the depth needed to capture the big screen.

That's not to say the DC writers and artists are bad at what they do. To the contrary, I think they do a great job, given the limitations that they work with. But it does mean that the expectations for all the future DC movies are severely lower, and likely to underwhelm even that.

Put it like this. DC is so weak that the top characters are not getting movies anytime soon. Wonder Woman, one of the old favorites and the most obvious title to hit the big screen (since it was a television show at one time), is still sitting on the sidelines with neither a script nor direction on how to move forward. The same can be said of most of the big DC names. Green Lantern is one of the few to likely be showing up soon, though Aquaman will likely be first.

Yes, Aquaman. A character that is one of the more boring characters to me, especially if he is on land for any period of time. And he will likely be competing with Captain America or Iron Man 3 (possibly Spiderman 4 and/or the Avengers), maybe even Deadpool if the script can be worked out for Ryan Reynolds.

DC is so off the radar that Jonah Hex will be next out of the gate. A character so unknown that it's fanbase ended decades ago. My expectations of the movie can be summarized by the movie's description: a spiritual/supernatural Western. Oh yeah, that just drives people to the theater in droves.

Perhaps the best of the upcoming movies from DC may be the film RED - starring at this point Morgan Freeman and Bruce Willis. It's still being developed but it puts both actors in roles (presumably) they are comfortable with. Freeman is likely a retired CIA man and Willis is the assassin out to kill him. Even if the roles are reversed (which is unlikely for Freeman) it still works. But that has more to do with the actors than the storyline, fan base, or the source material it is based on.

Seriously, the proposed Voltron movie (an 80's cartoon that was very likely the entire source and motivation of the Power Rangers) sounds better than almost everything DC has planned so far. Almost combined. Definitely at least as big a fan base, and arguably bigger.

So to answer my earlier 2 questions, there are a lot of characters showing up in movies that are not Marvel based. Many are quite compelling and interesting. Some are even must sees. Especially compared to missteps by Marvel - ie the first Hulk movie and Ghost Rider as examples. It's just that almost all the good ones you will likely ever see or want to own on DVD will be independents or based on another medium (anime, books, video games, ect.)

As for the second question, does DC suck? Oh yeah. They have a few good ideas and titles, but basically they are the 'red-headed step-child' to Marvel. And everybody else. Which is a shame since the potential should be there.

But maybe I'm wrong. Maybe a supernatural Western will do the trick. Maybe everyone wants to watch a guy swimming for 2 hours. It could happen. I just wouldn't go to Vegas and bet on it.

Will a Hex be good for DC Comics?

You know when news comes out on April Fool's Day, you have question it's validity. But some things are too silly to be made up. Take the decision from DC Comics as an example. They are moving forward with a film based on the great character Jonah Hex.

You must recall this character. Jonah Hex was born in 1839, under a bad sign. He was abandoned by his drunk parents, and taken in by Apaches. He was then abandoned by them. So he joins the U.S. Cavalry until the Civil War when he joins the Confederate Army (though he did not support slavery - one of the vital requirements to a prosperous Southern economy). Eventually he becomes a bounty hunter scarred with a "Mark of the Demon". Somehow he gets transported to the year 2050, gets married, has a child, is abandoned by both and then returns to the Old West. He is then shot by a bank robber, stuffed and put on display outside of New York City.

How can anyone forget that comic book character.

Honestly there are elements of the story that might be interesting. But there have been few Western's made in the past 2 decades that were really worth watching. Add in Josh Brolin as Hex, and John Malkovich as a voodoo user that wants to create a zombie army to win for the Confederate South, and the potential starts to go bad fast. (I believe they offered Malkovich a lot of money for this one.)

It is also reported to have Megan Fox in some capacity, Will Arnett as Hex's Union soldier partner in the battle, and Michael Shannon as the ringleader of a gladiator circus. I swear I am not making this up.

If it were just a western, I might buy it. If Brolin was not involved I might be interested. But voodoo armies? A wild west gladiator circus? Really?

DC Comics has long been regarded as the poor red-headed step-child to Marvel. This was because DC was very silly and childish in their storylines as opposed to the generally more complex and compelling stories of Marvel. When it comes to movie conversions of these comics, DC has generally followed that same policy (with the exception of the latest Batman movies - based on the graphic novel and not the comic book). Thus Marvel shines, and has a huge audience following.

I don't think that this film, of a mostly unknown and uncared for comic book character will work. DC might as well make a movie based on Metamorpho or Doom Patrol for all their popularity.

I'll be looking for the trailer, and we will see.