Movie Preview: Pandorum

Well at least Hollywood is consistent. That’s the first impression I get from the movie trailer for Pandorum.



Instantly you get the feeling that the movie is a mix of sci-fi horror movies – specifically Alien – and the recent rash of video games. The fact that the producers of the movie are also the ones responsible for the Resident Evil movies just adds to the sense of a video game conversion.

The movie trailer is supposed to give you the feeling of impending doom, yet I just get the memory of the movie Doom. It’s filmed in dark shadows to emphasize the danger. I just think it’s harder to see what’s happening. The big question in the film is whether or not the main characters are really living through this horror or are they just imagining it all. The trailer doesn’t really make me care.

Obviously the film will be doing a series of flashbacks, to show how the crew all met their demise. Likely there will be some video record to show how they inevitably went to some planet, and picked up something. That something became the object of suspicion as crew members died. If this sounds familiar, it should be. Countless numbers of video games and movies has used the same plotline, from Alien, as their theme.

Now I could be completely wrong. And the movie could be quite good. But appearances don’t seem to support those possibilities. More likely this film is perfect for those that want to sit in a theater and have a couple of gotcha moments for an hour and a half. It will be like playing an ok video game without any of the effort. Something you can forget completely once you get up from your seat. Which is not always a bad thing.

Suffice to say I am not impressed yet. I am surprised that Dennis Quaid is in the film. Normally he is pretty good a picking his films. Which means that either the trailer was put together badly, and the film has far more potential than what is presented, or they paid a lot of money to have a name attached to the film and Quaid will barely be in the movie.

There is still time for more trailers to come out. More of the storyline will be seen and either I am right in my gut instinct that this is a good $5 DVD bin movie, or it will be a decent horror sci-fi film. At this moment, I have to go with my gut, and recommend seeing the DVD of Dead Space until this hits the DVD in 6 months or so.

Career choices - play Guitar Hero or be a comatose lemming

In-between the latest bit of ambulance chasing news of Greta Van Sustern (in my opinion), and the various spills of the Olympics I ran across the possibly most idiotic piece of new of the year (to date anyway). What could be worse than Greta reporting endlessly on news events that the majority of people no longer want to hear about, or the endless discussions of which group of Olympic athletes look best? Simply this, a kid quit school to play Guitar Hero.

It can’t be said enough, a 16 year old boy (that I’m willing to bet money is White – just because I cannot imagine a Black mother going along with this kind of idea) gave up on going to school to pursue a dream of playing video games, Guitar Hero in particular, for a living. This is not being a play tester for a gaming company – which is a career – just playing for competition.

The parents of this kid need to be slapped. Then the kid needs to be knocked about a bit, and then the parents again.

Now the fact the kid was an idiot, and could not do well in high school, and was not liked or popular is beside the point. That is not an excuse to just give up. And I realize that the kid is now getting tutored which has improved his learning. This is still not the same as getting a high school education. Part of high school is learning to interact with people, not all of which will like or value this individual or that one. Such is life.

This kid is hoping that Guitar Hero will remain popular, for his lifetime, in order to earn a living. The best in the industry – of which there are few – generally earn $25,000 which isn’t much. And I dare anyone to name a video game that is as popular 10 years after the first version of the game as the first. I’m a gamer and I can only think of one, Resident Evil. And it has its own ups and downs.

The parents of this kid have decided to ruin their child’s chances of earning a living, ever. If the kid was learning to program games, cool. If the kid had a real job as a back up, great. But this loser has 1 thing he can do. Play Guitar Hero. He might as well as commit suicide (I’m not being exactly literal) and save himself the anguish of life as a peon without social skills or marketable job qualifications.

This loser might even capture a few pre-teen girlfriends that he can wine and dine with his winnings of fast food gift certificates. But somehow I doubt that anyone else would be the least bit interested.

What bout of brain dead malfunctioning would allow parents to ok such an act? I have nothing against video games, they are a fun distraction. And I respect those that worked hard to learn the skills to create this impressive graphic computer marvels. But playing a video game is not training for the Olympics, or even viably planning for the future.

What happens when a new harder version of the game comes out? What if the game becomes unpopular? What if the supposed skill he has at this game is non-transferable to any other future game? The kid will be lucky to get a job hauling manure (and I really don’t mean it insult the people who haul manure, they at least do an honest days work unlike this kid). And sadly that means that both the parents and inevitably the Government will have to support this anti-social half-wit. My taxes are worth more.

I really cannot impress upon you my disgust at hearing this news. Yes I am upset that this kid believes his only claim for existence is that he can PLAY a game better than most (not even best). But I am insanely more pissed off that these parents have such little faith in their child’s abilities, and their own obviously detrimental parenting skills, as to destine this child to a life of poverty, ridicule, and about as much intellectual growth as a comatose lemming.

Please, do not do this to your children.

Prepare for Doomsday - 3.2.2008.1

So what do you do if you are in Hollywood, you don’t have a remake available, no ‘revisioned’ classic television shows on the table, and nary a comic book (even an unpopular one) in site? You make up a movie with bits of other films, no name actors, and a low budget.

That is how I would describe the previews of Doomsday. A bit of several good money-making clips with a pro-feminist twist for good measure. I mean the while thing reminds me of 5 sci-fi films (not counting low budget films). Those movies are Escape from New York, 28 Days Later, Mad Max, Transporter (ok, not a sci-fi but action), and Alien.

From what I can tell we start with 28 Days Later, because some virus is released killing a good part of the world, or threatens to. A last bastion of humanity is secluded in a walled off city (Day of the Dead/Aeon Flux/Waterworld/Resident Evil). Out in the badlands surrounding the city is a crazy chaotic new society of (probably) post-apocalyptic mutants/survivors. So an adventurer/loner that travels the wasteland (Mad Max) is given a mission because a cure was identified and lost or otherwise unattainable. The Loner/adventurer needs to get whatever it is and bring it back. The loner has a souped up vehicle (Transporter/Knight Rider/Ghost Rider) to help do this. Of course the Item is held in the stronghold of the mutant/survivors (Escape from New York) that have their own barbaric society based on brutality. I’m sure they throw a timeframe ticking away too.

Oh. Where does Alien come in? Like in that movie we have a heroine, because that sells really well these days.

Seriously, this all does not bode well for the film. Besides being formulaic, when was the last time you saw a film that blatantly stole ideas from better films well? Excluding, in fact, including spoofs. The low budget aspect virtually ensures that the below-the-line costs of the film were spent on the special effects. Probably a good bit of the above-the-line too.

So the net of it all is what? A less than entertaining mash-up of ideas done better previously. My suggestion is to skip spending the $20 or so per person to see this in the theater. Wait 6 months and get the DVD for $10 - 15 and watch it on a rainy/snowy night when the car is busted.

Could I be wrong? Sure, but the odds of this being good are about the same as television suddenly realizing the world is made up of more than just White people. I’d sooner bet on Britney Spears making a comeback and/or being named mother of the year than this movie being a hit. The only real positive for it is that the female lead is good looking, and there isn’t another action or sci-fi film out to compete with it. [Jumper is so bad as to not count.]

If you are masochistic enough to see this film in theaters, do let me know how close I’ve come.

10 video games not to buy for kids

Some interesting news is out about a list of 2007 videogames that is unlike most lists you may have seen before. Unlike the usual top seller lists, or the Best of 2007 that you are going to see from various retailers and websites, this list details what not to buy.

It’s not a worst of the year list either. This is a list that focuses on the most violent and child-inappropriate games in the industry. I have to say that the list is accurate, though to be fair, the games on the list are all rated for mature gamers. These aren’t games intended for the Game Cube or Wii. In fact I would imagine that the titles alone are enough to make most parents realize that a young child should not get or play this game.

Without guessing I’m sure you can imagine the #1 game on the list of 10. Obviously it is the drug and violence promoting Grand Theft Auto. It doesn’t matter which iteration of the game you want to think of, they all are equal on this subject. Even worse if you consider the abysmal portrayals of African Americans and Latinos/Hispanics.

The rest of the list includes 3 movies conversions, 2 video game dynasties, a rapper and a few other popular games. The full list follows:

• 1. Grand Theft Auto
  
• 2. Manhunt
  
• 3. Scarface
  
• 4. 50 Cent Bulletproof
  
• 5. 300 The Videogame
  
• 6. The Godfather
  
• 7. Killer-7
  
• 8. Resident Evil 4
  
• 9. God of War
  
• 10. Hitman Blood Money
  

The things I can’t imagine are why any parent of a young kid would buy them these games. I mean Manhunt? Hitman? What do you want your kid to group up to be? Are they also looping The Professional and Reservoir Dogs for the kids as a bedtime story?

I will say this though, this is the first list that includes the bewilderingly insipidly named rapper that I think he deserves and I’m happy to know about. If for no other reason, if this prevents the sale of another product targeted directly to African Americans (and yet oddly enough bought mostly by White Americans) that depicts us as mindless criminals’ intent on nefarious activities, then I am pleased to blog on it.

I will also note one other thing. I love the Hitman and Resident Evil series. I think they are some of the best done games each time they come out with a new version. I equally feel that there is no way I would let a little kid play or watch any of them either.

Some things are just obvious.

PS2 video games worth owning - 9.12.2007.1

With the ongoing move from the old generation of video gaming platforms to the latest versions, deals are out there to be had. For those that have yet to switch over to the new platforms, and owning the Playstation 2, you may be wondering what to do. Well there are several choices out there that you may have missed on their initial release, or just didn’t hear enough about to realize they were worth owning.

This list was compiled at Racketboy.com, and I agree with several of the choices. The prices are about as good as they get and more than worth the gameplay you will receive. I’ll just mention a couple of the video game choices I have owned and/or played. (Prices are as stated from the Racketboy.com list)

Gran Turismo 3: $7
Gran Turismo 4: $10
I love this series. Great racing, intensely realistic. You won’t get away with moves that you will in other racing games, and you will be glad about that. Challenging and great graphics.

Devil May Cry: $7
A bit repetative after a while, but at this price well worth it. It shouldn’t take too long for most to beat this game, but you’ll have fun bashing the bad guys along the way.

Resident Evil 4: $16
A must have. The Resident Evil series is a must have. The challenge is at the top end of gaming. At this price how could you ever not play it on a PS2?

Burnout 3 & Burnout Revenge: $12 each
Less realistic than the Gran Turismo series, but then again you aren’t looking to see who is the most skilled driver, persay. Hyper-fast, good graphics and lots of fun. Play your kids, friends or girlfriend/wife, they will all get suched into the competition and watching cars go boom.

Sly Cooper and the Thievius Raccoonus : $11
I may be a bit old for the game, but so what. I got it for my nephew when it first came out and paid full price then. It’s worth it still now. A good challenge and just fun. A great way to just waste time with your kids (or nd nephews) on a rainy day. Or just play it as an adult and keep it quiet.

The Mark of Kri: $8
A decent game with a unique system of targeting and attacking enemies. The storyline isn’t too simplistic either. It felt quite short to me, but it was an enjoyable time. Worth the money.

Star Wars Starfighter : $7
Fun. I had this and loved it. Again it was a purchase for my nephew that I just enjoyed playing too. Like you don’t want to pilot a Star Wars fighter yourself!

One thing I want to add in. On the list mentioned and linked above are the GTA (Grand Theft Auto) video games. I do not support those games. I disagree with their images, game play and philosophy. I don’t like them for kids or adults. I find them insulting.

Others may enjoy GTA, fine. I just won’t advocate that gaming software, ever. But it’s on the list.

This is what I think, what do you think?

Video games, a good buy or good bye America? - 7.3.2007.2

It’s interesting how video games are acknowledged as one of the fastest growing forms of entertainment and yet slapped down as being the leading cause of the downfall of civilization. The AMA wanted to say it causes addiction, various politicians have jumped on bandwagons from time to time to say games are too violent. Meanwhile Hollywood finds it to be a source of quality movie fodder and Wall Street has rewarded shrewd investors that have seen the potential.

It’s like one hand can’t see what the other is doing. I don’t understand how Wall Street analysts can say that companies like Electronic Arts deserve an overweight rating, and then also says

While we believe the current video-game cycle is likely to see accelerating industry growth over the next 24-months, we view the risk-reward for the sector as neutral in the near-term and look instead toward 2008 as the key inflection year for the industry.

I mean, it’s the summer. Of courser the near term is weak. The Christmas holiday season is the big push for virtually all software companies. Yet the outlook matches estimates that interactive gaming will out perform all music sales and will approach movie ticket sales soon.

But for an industry that makes so many, so much money it’s downplayed as something for kids. They ignore any of us who have grown up with video games and play them now in our 40’s. The games are constantly assaulted, but a movie based on the game is fine. The movies target the 21-35 year olds, contain violence on par with a Terminator meets Leatherface scale, and no one blinks an eye.

Where are the protests about Bloodrayne, or Hitman (movie will be out this fall - looks good too), or Resident Evil (the final story, Apocalypse, will ber out towards the end of this summer. Alice kicks butt.). Actually I’m glad there aren’t (well except for Bloodrayne which was pretty bad). But the point is I’m tired of being told, as a grown consumer of video games, that I can’t play XYZ because it is too violent to be made. I’m tired of being told that the government needs to stick their hands into what can and cannot be made. [Like anyone can name one thing the government regulates well] All the while Wall Street and politicians make money while being the monkey on my back.

Maybe it’s just me. But some need to back up, plug in, and blast a few zombies. I’m sure they will feel better. Thanks for listening to me rant. Now I’m off to find a few orcs to crush.