The worst films since 2000

Having watched Stargate Universe, and learning of the upcoming V revisioned television series, I natually started to think about the worst that Hollywood and the entertainment industry has provided viewers. The list I could imagine is hardly small. And I wasn't the only one to come up with such a list.

It seems that the people at Rotten tomatoes had a similar thought. But I think the end of the decade had more to do with it than the latest slew of forgettable television fare. Still there is nothing like a list, especially of the worst as it confirms what you already knew.

I won't go thru the list of the worst films of the decade. There are 100 and the list contains several of the films you would expect. I will give you the top ten worst films, and several I think should have rated higher on the list of the worst excuses to steal your money.

10. Witless Protection
9. Redline
8. 3 Strikes
7. Strange Wilderness
6. Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2
5. National Lampoon's Gold Diggers
4. King's Ransom
3. Pinocchio
2. One Missed Call
1. Ballistic: Ecks Vs. Sever

If you saw any of these films I really feel for you. I sadly saw King's Ransom and Ballistic: Ecks vs Sever. The pain still haunts me in nightmares from time to time.

But the following I think were misrated on the list.

The New Guy - rated 94 was light on logic. laughs, or anything else, but it was cute in a 10 year old way. I wouldn't have put it on the list, but I wouldn't want to pay money to see it either.

Larry the cable guy: Health Inspector - rated 85. Any film with this character should be in the top 20 worst films ever, unless of course you happen to not have teeth, love moonshine, and got all your education when you finished 3rd grade.

Doogal - rated 83 should be much higher. In fact if there was a list of films for kids that should be illegal to show kids, this would be in the top ten. Truly, if you don't like to abuse children then don't show them this film.

Gigli - rated 73. It only made it to 73? The rest of the list has to be really bad.

The Fog - rated 66 is the first remake on the list. Considering how bad the first film was, why did they remake it anyway? Another in a long list of films proving why revisioned films suck.

BloodRayne - ranked 48. A decent game, a miserable movie. Bad writing, horrible acting, terrible action scenes. There is nothing in the film worth watching, except the leading ladies if you are pre-pubescent.

Zoom - rated 41 is really not that bad. I'm not saying it was a good movie, it wasn't. But for bored kids that don't have another choice on television or DVD this will work. it definitely isn't worse than the films I've already commented on.

Codename: The Cleaner - rated 37 it is the Black equivalent of Larry the cable guy. Cedric may be many things, but he is NOT entertaining as a lead actor in any movie. Someone stop giving him movie lead roles.

The Whole Ten yards - rated 36. It actually deserves this rating. Nothing from the original film carries over to this film, made just to get your money. Bruce Willis slipped big on this one.

Rollerball - rated 28. Remake and revisioned. That is almost all I need to say. Perhaps it might have worked if the director and/or writers ever saw the original movie.

But I know what you are thinking. There are movies missing from the list. Notably:

Soul Plane - perhaps the worst film ever. At least the worst I have seen. It as so bad I had to fast forward through sections to stay awake.

Little Man - the Wayans family are generally talented. Shawn and Marlon are so bad in this film as to make you wonder if they were adopted.

Ghost Rider - the special effects were too good to put it on the worst list, but the acting and script really tried.

No doubt there are other bad films. I'm sure that the list of 100 had others I would have hated. Thankfully I did not see more on the list. And I can't remember more horrible films at the moment (likely blocked from memory).

So do you agree? What do you think was the worst film since 2000?

Do we need to see Who's Your Caddy? - 7.16.2007.1

I was in the movies recently (seeing Harry Potter) and I noticed a couple of movies coming up. One of them I had to double check and see other trailers. That movie was Who’s Your Caddy? The title makes you think golf, and perhaps a comedy. I’m sure that was what whoever wrote and directed this was intending. Sadly, they seemed to have missed the mark.

The fact is that Who’s Your Caddy? is apparently a cheap remake of Caddyshack. The fact that it’s a remake doesn’t mean that it’s bad. The storyline, as featured by the trailers says it is. All the elements are there, rich guy wants to play golf because he loves the game. Another rich guy that has an obnoxious attitude and is anal-retentive refuses to let him join. The first guy strives to join the exclusive membership and a golf match is setup to determine which of the 2 stay. That’s Caddyshack. The changes are that the protagonist is black, the humor has devolved to include large helpings of body humor, and there are gratuitous scenes of women gyrating. Oh, and a love story that sounds weak, and a hidden talent at playing golf. Help me.

Could they remake Caddyshack with African Americans and have it be a good movie? Sure they can, if they spent some money on the writing. They didn’t. Could it still be worth watching with a less than great script? Sure, if they had good directing. Seems like they missed on that too.

I have no problem that the film is based on a rapper that has done very well for himself. He has money, cool. He has an entourage that seems to be less than bright, not so cool. The one guy is so dumb that when someone asks to get Johnny Cochrane involved (which in itself was stupid) and they are told he is dead (Newsflash!) the black guy thinks that one of them killed him. Please. In another part we see that there is a music video, and the women of course are music video girls, and have to be in tops that are skimpy and clothes that are too tight. What could be the motivation for having Mr. Faizon Love fart like a foghorn? You must be kidding right? Oh, don’t forget the required ghettoized golf cart.

It’s a collection of juvenile jokes. That could still be good but they could have made it so much more. Yet I have to imagine that the executives involved in greenlighting this movie figured a couple of things. First, they have a rapper/entertainer in the movie (Big Boi of Outkast). That will attract the hip hop and rap music fans. It’s a pro-black, large African American cast which will ensure that a good percentage of Blacks will see it no matter what. Third the cost of the film is really low so there is no real risk.

It’s basically the same formula used in Soul Plane. Cheap film (about $5 million) featuring African Americans, with a low quality script, makes about $35 million in the movies even after the massive number of bootleg DVDs made on it. Then it gets to an official DVD and On Demand on cable. Maybe another $5 million there. The execs could care less how ghettofabulous or silly the African American culture is portrayed. They got their money and they are satisfied.

This movie looks to be beneath everyone involved from the look of it. I’d like to think I’m wrong, but considering trailers tend to be the best 30 seconds or so of a movie the outlook is bleak.

This is what I think, what do you think?

Bad films and Screen Actors Guild Awards hopefuls - 1.9.2007.1

Well it’s January and the worst of the films of the year are starting to be released. I’m sure many may have noticed that the early weeks of the year seem to have a bunch of films that blink away with a speed that is rarely seen. This of course is a good thing, as many of these films don’t deserve to be released in a theater and I doubt many will be worth a DVD either. One such film, I’m guessing, is Code Name: The Cleaner.

Cedric the Entertainer (his real name is Mr. Cedric Kyles) can be a funny man. I’ve seen some of his stand-up on film and it wasn’t bad. Star quality it was not, nor has anything in his body indicated that he has leading man capabilities. That’s not to say he doesn’t have talent. I just think his talent isn’t being conveyed in the films he has done.

Beyond his support work in The Steve Harvey Show, which had it’s moments though they were few to me, his movie Johnson Family Vacation is probably his best film work. I’m not counting the 5 animated roles where he supplied his voice (including the upcoming Madagascar 2). I am including his leading role in the Honeymooners remake [horrendous] and the sequel supporting role in Be Cool [just bad]. The Cleaner looks to be on par with these lesser films and will no doubt clean the few pockets that view it. Of course there is a following for Mr. Kyles, as well as those that will watch anything that has an African American lead because they are showing support – even if that support goes to cheap and tasteless theatrical films like Soul Plane. I admit I haven’t seen it, nor will I, but if others do and disagree please let me know. If you convince me of the worth perhaps I will watch it, via a bootleg DVD.

Speaking of movies, here are some of my choices to win the Screen Actors Guild Awards. I hope these will lead to nominations and wins at the Oscar’s as well. For best actor I chose Mr. Forest Whitaker for The Last King of Scotland. I think it will be Ms. Helen Mirren in The Queen. For best support I pick Mr. Eddie Murphy in his stand out performance in Dreamgirls and from the same movie I pick Ms. Jennifer Hudson as best supporting actress. In the cast category of course I chose Dreamgirls.

In television I have fewer choices as I don’t watch many shows. I may well be off on these but here are my choices. For best actor in a drama I think Mr. Hugh Laurie wins for House. For a comedy I would chose Mr. Tony Shalhoub for Monk, though I do like the comedic acting of Mr. Jeremy Piven. Sadly I have not seen Entourage so I can’t say if his work is better than Mr. Shalhoub.

As for the other television shows, I have no comment. I watch little regular broadcast television programs. In general I think the effort executives have put into finding the lowest common denominator in programming is so bad as to not warrant viewing. And yes I do prefer a more high-brow television show so that doesn’t help either. Still a preference towards House, 24, and the West Wing does not prevent me from enjoying Farscape, Gilligan’s Island, or Cheers.

Well let’s see how good my choices are.

This is what I think, what do you think?

Worst films of 2006 - 12.27.2006.4

Now onto the Worst films. I won’t bother to describe how awful all these films are. Basically we had a slew of remakes, re-visionings, and sequels. Sadly almost every one of them was a waste of time and money, especially if you went to the theatre. It’s one thing to remake a classic, trying for a homage. It’s completely another to just copy a film with modern actors (the Omen), or make your own version that really has nothing to do with the original beyond the name (the Pink Panther, the Wicker Man). I hate when movie studios think that audiences aren’t smart – or old – enough to realize they are re-treading material.

Other losing films of the type mentioned above are The Dukes of Hazard, X-men 3, Basic Instinct 2, The Hills have Eyes, Posieden, Van Wilder 2, Ultraviolet (It’s supposed to be a futuristic Gloria), All the Kings Men, The Fast and the Furious 3 (did they have to make a 3?), The Hitcher (oops, that will be out in 2007) and others. Yes every one of the above is an idea from someone else a long time ago. Every one of these ideas was done better and more interesting the first time. At least one thing is sure, since Ms. Sharon Stone was only able to draw in 7 million with her sequel there won’t be another, and hopefully the studios will learn from that. Of course considering that the Hitcher is a remake of a C. Thomas Howell and Rutger Hauer 1986 film I think they haven’t.

Other films that you should hope you haven’t seen and won’t waste your money on renting (if you bought the DVD use it as a Frisbee for any movie on this list except the original Hitcher) :

Phat Girlz, My Super ex-Girlfriend, Larry the Cable Guy, Little Man (Possibly this years Soul Plane), Zoom, She’s the Man, Death of a President (envisioning someone killing a current living President?! Sick), John Tucker Must Die, The Break-up, Freedomland, A Good Year, and American Dreamz just to name a few.

Other copies or unending stories –
Ice Age 2, Jackass 2 (maybe people are as numb as movie producers think – please let this be the end)

Well what do you think of the lists?

Best films of 2006

Best and Worst Video Games 2006