Television Review: Stargate Universe

It was coming and you had to say, 'Not another Stargate show'. It would seem that Stargate has a never ending run on SyFy Channel. But the question has to be, will this be worth watching?

Well having seen the opening episode, the answer is unclear. This is just another in a long string of Stargate spinoffs. But it has elements of something new and better (than the pervious Stargate spinoffs) as well. Not a lot of them, but some.

The show is focused on remnants of a dozen other sci-fi television shows and movies. Like most things from Hollywood these days, this is unoriginal rewriting of what you have already seen.

Obviously there is a huge reference to Stargate SG-1. Add to that a general feeling of the recent revisioning of Battlestar Galactica. A touch of Star Trek, a dash of Lost In Space (the television series and not the movie) too.

The show is focused around a group of people forced to run to an alien ship "several hundred billion light years from Earth". The people are a mix of techs, soldiers, mid-level bureacrats, and miscellaneous others. In total we start with 80 people and are down one before this episode ends.

The reason why they ran to this ship is unimportant. Suffice to say they beamed up to a ship on automatic pilot, that is on a mission of exploration of the Universe. They have no control over what the ship does, other than opening and closing various doors and looking at a schematic. Oh, and asking it for help.

The ship, called Destiny once translated, is 1000's of years old. It has been through a ringer, and as such has various holes in it - mostly bloclked by sealed doors and a force feild. It has air, though its air filtration system is broken after milenia of constant use. And we hit the first snafu in logic as well as the initial problem that must be resolved.

If this thing is as old as they say, and it has been constantly running, with a constant leak, how is there any air left? And how ironic that it is just enough to keep these 80 people alive for just a couple of hours before someone makes the ultimate sacrifice. Which was supposed to be dramatic and pull at your emotions, but winds up being just another plot device that you really don't care about.

But logic is not a big requirement in most sci-fi shows these days. Which is funny as that should be the most important thing in a show of this nature. Setup rules by which viewers can understand how things work in this entertaining fluff, then stick with them. But back to the program itself.

Skip to the characters. This is sort of like Gilligan's Island. We have a professor - who happens to be the morally ambiguous twin of the revisioned Giaus Baltar (Battlestar Galactica). We have a Maryanne - the daughter of a Senator. We have a Gilligan - Eli the kid who won a trip that he was never ready for. We have a Skipper - the Colonel that will run things (actually he is more like Adama from Galactica). The rest have yet to be sorted out yet.

The acting is bland at best. You really don't care about any of these people at any point in the show. You never get a sense of imminent danger or doom. If they all died you wouldn't care, and you know they won't because this is only episode one.

The writing for the show is basic. Even with lots of speeches by the major characters, you never hear anything that grabs you. The lines are by and large forgetable. Which matches the tone and acting.

The scenery is a nice Star Trek-ish warp speed rip off. And you get multiple chances to see that as the show moves along. Beyond that it is basic as well. Big box rooms with some gadgets here and there. It could easily be the extra sets of Galactica, and/or several other sci-fi shows and movies.

This has a lot working against it. But as I watched the program and caught problem after problem, I admit that I kept watching. More than once I was waiting for someone to get killed, usually because they were messing around with some alien device they did not know or wandering somewhere that has a function they don't understand.

The inclusion of Eli (Gilligan) is perhaps the most vital character at this stage. He is the viewers that haven't watched every episode and spinoff of SG-1. And thus he is told various vital items that a viewer at home would love to know. Though he also takes all of this very well considering he just found out about spaceships aliens and being on the other side of the universe in about 48 hours.

I suppose that is one of the reasons I kept watching. To see what Eli would do next. That and waiting for Baltar.. excuse me, the proferssor - Dr. Rush - to screw over everyone in the pursuit of exploration and science.

There are 2 seperate love stories in the series. There is a bunch of political and leadership issues. There are a surprising number of women, and a bit of diversity in the cast. So most general factors are covered.

Basically I think this show needs to pick up on everything by episode 3 or they will lose whomever is left after this preimere. The slow pacing, the copied characters, the overall blandness and boring acting just aren't enough to capture viewers.

NBC tries a touch of honesty with SyFy Channel

Somewhere around 16 years ago there was a buzz on the internet. People were excited about a new cable network. Finally there would be some respect and attention paid to the tens of millions of fans (in just the U.S.) of science fiction. It was called the Sci-Fi channel.

That anticipation quickly became boredom and apathy as the line up of the channel was far from what most expected. Much of the original line-up of shows were unintelligent, unimaginative and low-budget at best. Still an early hit for the channel was the Lexx series. So they held on.

The channel went on to create another growing success called The Invisible Man, with a new and unique take on the original movie concept. Still a low-budget enterprise, it too had a following, until they dropped it suddenly. First Wave also had a following. In fact I think at the time First Wave was the biggest hit the Channel had. The addition of Traci Lords didn’t hurt ratings either.

Through this entire time the management of Sci-Fi was in a battle. They knew they needed something to generate some buzz. They needed something new and fresh. They needed to make an impact with the fanbase responsible to comic book, Star Wars, and other conventions. The fans of science fiction were diverse, intelligent, and remarkably more inclined to spend money in the genre than just about any other. Yet they had no idea what sci-fi was, let alone good science fiction. But they did get lucky.

Thus came Farscape. A series that literally put Sci-Fi on the map. They grew their viewers and raised money for advertising. They were able to cross-promote other programs on the network that before never had notice. In fact the channel gained so much attention that they were bought by NBC.

Which brought the company solidly back into the realm of brain-dead, poll oriented, lowest common denominator programming. And one of the first blows in getting to a level where fans of watching grass grow could be on par with people that prefer the X-men, Terminator, Star Trek, and the X-files was the removal of Farscape. Because the management didn’t get it, and thought they were smarter than the core audience.

Thus began the now endless rotation of retreads, rip-offs, and anything but science fiction at the Sci-Fi channel.

Since that time the channel has brought on the over extended Stargate SG-1 series. A show that previously failed at 2 other networks. But it was the best and only sci-fi show they had – that they could wrap their small brains around. And that show created a spin off that no one I know has seen. And that will spin-off yet another show. Essentially the same show, just different locations and actors. How innovative.

But to fill the rest of the time slots, the NBC executives that were at their best with comedy shows based on nothing (Seinfeld) or delusions (Friends), decided to go with shows based on interpreting dreams, a scam artist that speaks with dead people, guys that moonlight as ghost hunters in rigged scenarios, a bad rip-off of Candid Camera, a reality contest based on video games, wrestling, and an unlimited supply of made-for-tv movies that are blatant copies of good/bad theatrical movies [ie. Alien Apocalypse was the horrendous copy of the new Planet of the Apes and Independance Day - a mix that did not work yet Sci-Fi called it their highest rated movie ever]. The alternative to a poorly scripted copy of a movie is the giant animal film (usually snakes, sometimes spiders) or nature-gone-wild films (a trip to the 1970’s, just done worse).

Suffice to say they accomplished one thing. They abandoned the core science fiction audience, with the exception of Eureka (which is original and decent) and Battlestar Galactica (an abysmal rendering of someone’s Cliff Notes version of the original popular series).

The final nail in the coffin is the news that Sci-Fi Channel will now be changing their name. It’s about time. They long ago stopped giving a crap about the purpose of the channel in favor of just another broadcast television channel on cable. They have some of the least intelligent, worst acted, rushed productions on television today. There is no cohesive theme to the channel. But they damn well reached the bottom of the barrel in terms of lowest common denominator.

So I’m happy to say that the channel will get a new name. Sadly it sounds the same as the old name, just spelled different. SyFy. I’m not sure who this is supposed to fool, or what they hope to inspire. But I’m not in the lowest denominator category so I’m sure it’s not meant to get my attention.

If I were them I’d call the channel – BDOA (Brain-dead On Arrival), or CPH (Couch Potatoe Heaven). Maybe the last one could have the slogan – “no need to think or act”.

So now the search will go on. One day there may be a channel among the over 500 that actually gets sci-fi fans. Maybe it will respect the intelligence of the fans. Maybe it will reward their support by keeping its word and programming that actually has something to do with its theme. We’ve gotten a glimpse of what that channel could be, so maybe one day.

At least NBC has stopped lying to the public and themselves and changed the name. Now if they could just go away altogether I’d be happy.

2012

Way back in 1999, as many began to panic about the legacy codes and what would happen as computers struck 2000, I recall watching a program that detailed the possible ways the world might end. This show, which I don't remember the name of, covered most of the myths surrounding the start of the new millennium and several prophecies.

One of the things that the programs covered was the fact that 2000 was nothing to fear, because 2012 was the real danger. It is on that day that the Mayan Long Count calendar ends. To be exact it will end on either December 21st or 23rd, 2012. Most tend to believe that the 21st is the date, possibly due to they symbolism of the date, 12/21/12.

If you look at the internet you will either find that this date is the day that aliens will take over or save humanity, humanity will ascend to a higher level, or the earth will be destroyed/end.

Of course given the gravity of the situation you know that Hollywood had to make a movie about it. In fact I expect a dozen by that time. But here is the first.



If nothing else it makes it's point pretty clear. Starring Oliver Platt (who I like), Danny Glover (I like), John Cusack (also very good), Thandie Newton, Amanda Peet, and Woody Harelson. With that kind of cast I would expect something memorable.

The director is Roland Emmerich, who made Stargate, Independence Day, and Godzilla. Sadly he also made Godzilla, Universal Soldier, The Day After Tomorrow, and 10,000 BC. So the odds are only slightly worse than 50/50 on how well it will be made.

Luckily, either way, we will have 3 years to mull the quality of the film before the clock stops running.