Megan Fox must eat cake!

Megan Fox (no relation to Michael as far as I know) is a stick. She has a couple of curves, but overall a stick if you ask me. Seriously there are 14-year olds that have more of a body. If you don’t believe me ask director Michael Bay.

It seems that Bay feels women should have curves and look like a person as opposed to the near-anorexic looks usually found in actresses these days. In fact he is making Megan Fox GAIN 10 lbs. for her next film Transformers 2.

Megan Fox makes it sound like it’s a hard thing to do

“I eat red velvet cake before I go to bed every night," she said. "And if you eat meals later, you'll put on weight faster, so I had dinner at 10 p.m.”

Well here is another beauty secret for Ms. Fox; eat a couple of Big Macs or Whoppers if you prefer. 10 lbs is nothing, but having more than bones and skin is always a plus when it comes to the warped ideals in Hollywood. I mean if not she can always look like this instead [The left photo she at least looks ok and definitely looks like a human female. The right looks like a praying mantis. Sexy huh?]



{By they way – ever notice that the least talented and most neurotic of celebrities and entertainers are the thinnest? A correlation perhaps?]

Net net, I give congratulations to Fox for meeting up with food, and a Thank You! to Michael Bay for not filling a movie with matchsticks in place of women. Now if he could just get the writer’s to take something to help with the scripts.

Coming to a movie theater soon: Monopoly - 2.20.2008.3

The Writer’s Guild strike is over, but the damage may have already taken its toll. Not that there has been any exceptional stories in movies or television in years if not decades. In fact were it not for comic books (X-men, Spiderman, Wolverine, Iron Man, Batman ect), real life events (American Ganster, Hotel Rwanda), and the ever present ‘revisioned’ remake (The Invaders, The Honeymooners, I Am Legend) the quality of ‘original’ movies would be on par with American Idol. And to compliment that vacum of thought or creativity is Candy Land.

Now if you are thinking that I mean some kind of strip club, take your mind out of the gutter. Candy Land is the children’s game made by Hasbro. Yes, this game intended for ages 5 (or is it 3) and up will soon be on the big screen. I can see all the parents lining up for the tickets now.

I don’t know what is worse. That Hollywood is so devoid of ideas and has remade all the quality films and televisions shows that now children’s board games are the next source of inspiration. This must be connected to the Transformers movie (that contained more plot holes and blatantly stupid characters than anything that comes to mind at the moment). It was that fiasco of a movie, that had just enough explosions to numb the minds of viewers, that must have given Hasbro the thought that they have movie worthy material.

Of course the Transformers was originally a childrens cartoon, and then became a comic book. It had depth, of a sort, in the various versions of the cartoon series and character development in the tomes. There was something to build on. Not that any of this made it into the actual movie.

But I cannot fathom a movie based on Monopoly. Or Ouija which is also planned. Though the game Battleship does have potential. In that at least there is some sense, but I would expect it to turn out to be a modified remake of Run Silent Run Deep or The Enemy Below. Modified to be less than heroic or patriotic which is the current trend in military movies, sadly.

The truly sad part? Once these movies come out, and the inevitable sequels and prequels, what is next? If this is not scaping the bottom of the barrel for ideas to base a motion picture on, I’m sure Hollywood will find the bottom. But do you really want to see Doggroomer – the story of Fifi on her daily walk down 5th Ave.

Don’t worry though, a ‘revisioned’ American Idol – The Movie is sure top be out soon.

What movie will you go see? - 3.20.2007.2

So what are you planning to watch this summer? There is a huge list of movies coming out soon, and for once there are several that look quite good. An obvious choice would be Pirates of the Caribbean 3 or the Harry Potter movies. Another solid choice is Spiderman 3. But what about a movie that isn’t a sequel of a good idea?

Well there aren’t a lot of choices for the non-repeat films. Even horrible films such as the Fantastic Four have a sequel. Why? No idea, it’s not as if the first film was good. Perhaps the teenage boys hoping to peak at an invisible Ms. Jessica Alba is the motivation. I really can’t imagine it being much else. While I am a fan of the Silver Surfer, and his effects look quite good, I doubt that this movie will do justice to him or Galactus. Perhaps I will be wrong, but they screwed up Dr. Doom and the initial storyline so I doubt this will be better. Wait for the DVD.

Another sequel that has gone one movie too far is Rush Hour 3. I love Mr. Jackie Chan, he is quite accomplished and has made multiple good movies. Rush Hour 2 was not one of them and I fear 3 will rank beside The Tuxedo. Mr. Chris Tucker was good in the limited role in Fifth Element, and decent in the original film. But his acting abilities are stretched to breaking in the subsequent film and I believe will have snapped in this film. Don’t expect much and you may get just that. Get the bootleg DVD.

A possibly good movie sequel could be Ocean’s Thirteen. The cast is back plus someone else. Someone that you would never expect. No it’s not the baby. Ms. Ellen Barkin seems to be taking over the role done by Ms. Julia Roberts. And Mr. Al Pacino is the bad guy. That is the main reason this may be good. He picks his roles well. The rest of the cast are solid, and obviously they work together as well as a cast of stars can. But I just don’t get how they have the 13th member on the team. We will see. I’d go to the theater for this. (a trailer for this film is out now.)

Another positive choice should be the last in the Jason Bourne series, the Bourne Ultimatum. The final part of a 3 book series, of which the movies do not follow the books verbatim, this should be great. The first 2 films were well done. Mr. Matt Damon has handled the role expertly each time previously. He sells the action sequences well and his acting is above par. The writing and plots make sense and are intelligent. This may be the best outside of Pirates and Spiderman. Definitely a movie theater choice.

Other choices that are up for grabs include The Simpson’s Movie, another sequel Evan Almighty (following up Bruce Almighty), and the Adam Sandler movie I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry. I can’t even guess how these will go.

Oh don’t let me forget the Transformers movie. Considering the supposed focus of the film will be the humans I won’t see it. There is no point if the title characters are not the main feature of the film. Not to mention that the main audience of the movie are over a decade past 20-something, not appealing to what they remember is a bad choice. But I’m sure they will get the toy sales. If the movie is not focused on the Autobots or Decepticons, hold onto your memories and wallets and let it fade away.

But I can’t imagine where the original films are. I mean even an original version of a book that hasn’t already been done. I know that the Steven King sons have a script available. There have to be others. Hollywood has not done every idea ever made. Heck there are a number of good comic books that are just waiting to have their characters transferred to the big screen. Forbid the fact that someone actually has an idea. Or a really good one. The shock will just be too great. Until then expect to hear about Rush Hour 4, the Carrot Man movie, Friends the Movie and the adaptation of The Sword of Shanara.

This is what I think, what do you think?