Movie Review: Transporter 3

$1.25 for gas
$20 for tickets to movie theater
2 hours of your life

"Are look upset?

But let me tell you why." - From the Birdcage

That I think aptly describes the experience of going to see Transporter 3. That isn't to say this was a bad film. It is to say that I should have waited for the DVD. Because the film is disappointing.

The Transporter series of films have come to make a few things expected. Great car driving, a couple of 5 or more on 1 fight scenes, Jason Statham changing his suits (and thus shirtless for the ladies in the audience), and explosions of large order. These are all very good things in a action film, which the latest does have. yet you feel somehow jilted by the end of the film.

The pace of the film is far slower in the feeling than the other prior movies. While the Audi has another staring role it seem to be held back from what you'd really like to see happen. Often you are just sitting waiting for something to happen. And you just never get a good payoff.

Part of the problem is the writing. And action fans are probably saying "what does that mean?" Action films are not known for their plots. Usually there are plot holes big enough to crash Mac trucks in. But the Transporter series has tended to be better than average in making it all make sense. Until this film.

Early in the film we are left with a big issue. Somehow our female lead is inexplicably asleep until a gentle touch from our hero. At this point one sorry soul has already failed to say 2 words that would have ensured his life. He said 4 or 5 other things, that make no sense to anyone out of the loop. But literally 2 words could have just kept him alive. And the lady also wastes time, and is highly insensitive to the situation, in cluing in Frank Martin (Jason Statham).

Later when Frank has ample time and opportunity to find out what is going on, the lady yet again is about as helpful as acid on your tongue (don't try it, it's just a bad idea). Had she been even slightly helpful everything would have changed. But instead we plod along.

I should mention that the relationship that develops between Frank and this young woman is unbelievable in virtually every aspect. Her whole purpose in the film seems to be to provide a love story so female viewers had a reason to buy the DVD. I felt it was a complete waste of film and did nothing for the story.

The 2 big fight scenes were decent, but not the best. The first movie had the best I think. The car scenes only had 1 that was really cool, and again I think the first movie was far better on this score as well. And when it comes to unbelievable actions, this film beats the other 2 in spades. I dare Mythbusters to try this escape-from-the-lake scenario and bust it wide open.

If you noticed I kept getting disappointed by the film. That includes the final bad guy fight, which ends stupidly. Perhaps one of the most believable parts of the film is Frank fishing with the ever so Columbo-ish French officer that seems to be is detached sidekick now. And that is not saying much.

For all these problems the film is not terrible. It's a decent action film and there are dozens far worse. It's just that I went to the theater for this. At $9 a ticket (and the Regal Theater in Binghamton smells bad by the way) I tend to want more than ok. especially from a film series that has done better than that in the past.

Jason Statham didn't have much to work with in this film. He tried and is just under par with his previous performances as Frank Martin. The French officer is exactly what he has been in the past. And the Audi excels as a top-end vehicle of choice for movers of questionable goods.

The problem is, in the middle of the film when the key bad guy says

"I just realized I don't need the best driver for this job. Any sucker that can drive can do it."

The audience has to say, 'He's right.' And then you wonder why you are watching this film anywhere but in your living room.

Upcoming movies for 2008 holiday season and 2009

Now that the election is over, and while we are still learning how our money is being spent in ways we never considered (thank you Paulson), the need for a distraction is eminent. This holiday season, as unemployment rises and stock market hopes fall, we all need to get away. Escaping to a vacation that we all can afford. A good movie.

The big question though is if Hollywood has anything to offer us. In recent years the obsession of Hollywood in electing a liberal a President as possible consumed the silver screen. Millions of dollars and huge amounts of time were wasted on political statements that were poorly written, and wouldn’t be worth watching if they were on broadcast television with American Idol and Dancing with the Stars on before and afterwards.

To put it bluntly, if you’ve seen more than 3 movies in a theater this year you wasted money and left thinking that you were once smarter than after the movie experience. But can Christmas bring us all what we have been wishing for, entertainment?

Well the answer is yes and no. There are a couple of movies that might compel you to leave the comfort of your own home. Of course these movies are surrounded by crap that you are probably seeing trailers for right now.

Let’s start with what may be worth your groceries for a day or 2.

Seven Pounds


Will Smith is on a roll (like he stopped). You watch this trailer and you get a couple of thoughts. Why is he doing this? What is the secret? Will this be uplifting? I don’t know the answers but I am very sure of the ability of this actor to make it worth the time for find out. This movie will make money, but more importantly it will entertain you. It will let you share an emotional response with everyone in the theater, and that’s why we see movies.

Transporter 3


Jason Statham tends to always deliver. He is the man of action films these days, and with good reason. His characters tend to be intelligent, the plots tend to make some kind of sense, and the action is not filled with CGI or stunt doubles. Generally the more sequels you have the worse the movies get, but the Transporter series has done well to date. This should easily be worth the price of admission, because he can drive!

Valkyrie


Tom Cruise has finally gotten this movie ready for theaters. I mentioned this earlier when this was planned for the summer. I’m looking forward to the film. But I must admit that with reflection, and seeing additional trailers I have one problem. Cruise. He seems to boyishly happy and young to be a Nazi Colonel that is going to try to kill Hitler. While it’s a true story, I would expect the look of the real schemers to be a tad bit grim. But I will see if all the brightness in the film hinders or benefits the plot.

My Name is Bruce


Ok, I admit I am a Bruce Campbell fan. I just love his movies (and television shows most don’t recall). He is funny. So this film sending up his celebrity and still focusing on what made him famous is spot on. The trailer got me chuckling. Will I see it, yep. Will it win an Oscar, nope. Will it be entertaining? More likely than not. Bruce Campbell may not be Will Smith (on many levels) but one thing they both do well is pick movies that they can excel in. Now where is that boomstick?

Underworld: Rise of the Lycans


I thought this movie had been made a while ago (like Vin Diesel’s Chronicles of Riddick – which supposedly has the 3rd film done years ago) so I’m not surprised it’s coming out. The first film was well worth the price of admission. The second not as much. But redemption seems at hand. This 3rd film is more of a prequel though. And a good thing too, because I really wanted to see more of the Lycan-Vampire war. Mythical creatures, medieval setting, swords, warfare on massive scale. Yep this should be good. And I like the lead actors too! Bonus.

Not Easily Broken


Morris Chestnut is definitely the go to guy in Black films. He has done very well in taking roles that are uplifting, and afrocentric. This is another of those films. I like this personally because, besides the quality acting and plot, it is an example that being African American does not mean being in a pigeonhole of stereotypes the media loves to display us as. This will actually be out in January 2009 (in time for the inauguration – how interesting), so thankfully it will give the Black community a choice besides seeing Notorious – which I do not recommend.